The only thing I have to do is stay Black and Die...

I don't watch television as much as I did when I was a girl.  Back then, I was carefree, bill free and virtually innocent to the ills and demands of society.  As much as I would have liked to pretend that I was deeply  immersed in popular culture, I realize now as an adult that I wasn't.  My mother kept me blissfully ignorant to many things.  For that I am grateful.  I appreciate my slow integration into real life. 

I digress.

I don't watch television much.  When I do, I'm usually, watching Hulu trying to catch up on this show or that show.  So, largely again, I am very much like my 12 year old self.  Living blissfully in my own world, unaffected by the advertisers clamoring for my dollars, wedding shows that create a thirst for a wedding do-over and clothing commercials that make me want to switch from being pescetarian to a liquidtarian to fit into the newest, shortest or tightest thing they've come out with. 

BUT...then I woke up...

I am not affected by television programming but, I'm extremely affected by social media.  Which is the reason why I haven't been posting here lately.  I got overwhelmed and I needed to back up off of it and sit my cup down (if you don't know that line...go stand in the corner).  I was feeling so inadequate.  I felt like my photos weren't good enough, my outfits werent' good enough, my blog design wasn't good enough.  Uh uh!  Too much!  I refuse to obsess over a doggone blog!  I thought I HAD to do certain things in order to be a legit blogger.  Reality is, the only two things in life that I MUST DO are: to stay Black and to die.  That's it.

So, I'm back.  I'm over Google Analytics, Followers, Likes, Tweets, Friends and Fans.  If you like this blog, you'll read it.  If you don't, cool. 

I'm not seeking star-dumb.  I'm seeking creative freedom.

Boom and Shaka Locka.

I'm not a Jockey, I just play one on my blog...

What's up Rose Heads?  I typically shy away from OOTD posts.  I don't ever remember to take pictures in the day time.  So, it makes it hard to have nice photos for a post.  Also, because even though I think I'm pretty fly, I've recently been compairing myself to other bloggers.  I don't kow why I do that!  Those ladies are passionate about fashoin so, they spend a lot of money and time perfecting their looks and their blogs.  Me, I work full time, go to school, craft and run my side business so, I don't have as much time as I would like to really dig into fashion.  But, I do love it!

So, my husband bought me these riding boots I've been drooling over.  He said he wanted to spoil me.  I love that man! While running errands this past weekend, I thought I'd create an outfit around them.  Check it!

Okay, now, NeShanta of Styleisshe.com would probably drop kick me for carry my Dooney & Burke instead of a manageable clutch. BUT...I'm a mommy of a three year old.  I need my "stuff" man! LOL!  The sad part is I have other purses.  I'm going to TRY to do better since I know better.

My hubby took these photos.  He kept telling me it was too dark in the house but, I was like so!  I'm not running a fashion blog!  It is what it is.  But, he was right.  These pics are bad.  Sigh... I'll do better with that as well.

I'm going to continue to do these posts because they make me think of what I'm going to wear in advance and motivate me to continue to look and feel my best!

Fit Facts:

Tweed Jacked - Thrifted

Striped Top - Thrifted

Pants - Forever 21 +

Necklace - Forever 21

Boots - Gianni Bini (Dillards this season)

Bag - Dooney and Burke

My first love was a Girl...

Hey Rose Heads.  Today, while browsing FB, I saw some rather hateful anti-gay stuff.  I just sat there staring at my screen feeling "safe" because I'm married to a man, we have a son and we appear "normal".  The reality is, if I hadn't met him, I could have easily ended up with a woman and a very different lifestyle.  It is extremely comfortable in our bubble.  But, most people don't know that the last person I was with before my husband was a woman.

Gasp and clutch the pearls honey because I'm about to keep it all the way extra real with you.  Oh and disclaimer:  Just because I may be attracted to women doesn't mean I'm trying to snatch your booty.  Don't flatter yourself...just sayin'.

 In high school, I told everyone that I was bi-sexual during my senior year while my boyfriend was away at college.  I think I did it because I wanted the attention and I wanted some female companionship too.  It of course made me a social pariah.  I hated high school... When I got to college in the Fall of 2000, I was a very "green", wide eyed Freshman that wanted to experience everything college had to offer.  My mother did a very good job raising me and she held the reins tight so, I didn't do much partying in high school.  I tried to pretend as though I was seasoned and worldly but, alas, I was not.

My beau and I ended up attending the same college, I knew he just "wasn't that in to me" so I began "wookin' pa nub" (looking for love...c'mon don't you know a good little rascals reference when you see one?).  Ellah (let's just call her that) lived across the hall from me in the dorm.  She was one half swexy, b-ballin', super fly cat and one half ultra feminine, fashionista, girly girl.  She was so damn cool man.  She had to grow up much faster than I and I was impressed by that.  It seemed like she knew everything!  She had game! 

Though our relationship was ill fated.  I loved her deeply with everything that I had.  It was the first time in my life that I felt like that.  I wasn't innocent but, I was just figuring out what love was. I was willing to be and do whatever she wanted just to be with her.  That's not true love...that's something else.

THEN, I met my husband and found out what TRUE LOVE was.  He knows everything about me and loves me anyway.  I don't have to fake, front or pretend to earn his affection.  He celebrates my good qualities and my flaws.  He still tells me I'm beautiful even after watching Picard come out of my coo-coo! That's love.

I'm still attracted to women.  It's not a burden or a struggle.  It's me.  So, when I hear this hate speech about gay people, I'm hurt.  Life is too complicated to be throwing labels and judgements on people.  Live and let live.  Marry and let marry.

Let that hate shit go. 

Cravencrest Episode Ten

Hey Rose Heads!  Enjoy..

EPISODE TEN:

7 months ago in Las Vegas…

Patrick (Dennis): So, Ms. Ashlyn why are you here in my room?

Ashlyn: I guess I’m really feeling you and the liquor a little too much. Why did you invite me to your room?

Patrick (Dennis): I’m so intrigued by you and I wanted to get to know you a little better.

Patrick begins massaging Ashlyn’s shoulders.

Ashlyn: Mmmm that feels great.

Patrick (Dennis): I aim to please. So, tell me about your life. Where are you from? What do you do?

Ashlyn: You’re not some psycho killer are you?

Patrick (Dennis): If I was, you’d be dead already! Look at you asking questions now. After you’re all up in my room on my bed! (He laughs)

He fills her glass with more wine.

Ashlyn: Well, I’m originally from Savannah but, my parents decided to move my freshman year of high school. My parents own 10 McDonald’s franchises and they decided to base their corporate office out of this town called Cravencrest.

Patrick (Dennis): Damn! TEN McDonald’s?

He looks her up and down…

Patrick (Dennis): You obviously don’t eat the food!

Ashlyn: Believe it or not, my parents sold it…but, we didn’t eat it. So…where was I? Oh! I went to Bontemps University on a Track and Field scholarship. I graduated with a degree in Business. Then, I went to New York to get my Cosmetology license from the Paul Mitchell cosmetology school. When I graduated from there, my parents gave me Coiffed as a present.

Patrick (Dennis): Coiffed?

Ashlyn: My bad. Coiffed is the name of my salon. It’s a chic, upscale salon located in the Mitchell District which is the “happening” area of town…you could say.

She stands up and stumbles a little. She stretches and falls back on to the bed.

Patrick (Dennis): You alright girl? No more wine for you!

He takes her glass. She takes it back.

Ashlyn: So, what about you? What’s your story?

Patrick (Dennis): Oh, no…I’m not done learning about you yet.

Ashlyn: Well, what else do you want to know?

Patrick (Dennis): So, you own a salon, your parents are ballin’, you’ve got two degrees and what else?

Ashlyn: There’s nothing else.

Patrick (Dennis): Nothing huh? Okay, do you have a man? Kids? Hobbies?

Ashlyn: No, I don’t have a man. Most of the brothas I’ve gotten with have been trifling, ignorant fools. So, I’m single and happy. I don’t have any kids but, in two or three years I want some…man or not. Let’s see…hobbies? Well, I’m a proud soror of Gamma Phi Delta Sorority, Inc. I'm really active in my chapter.

Patrick (Dennis): Man or not? Oh, so you’re one of those “do it yourself-ers” huh? Alright, alright…I see you. Gamma Phi Delta? I’ve never heard of that. You’re in a made up sorority? I’m a Nupe baby…Yo-Yo!

Ashlyn: Made up? Negro you had better come correct! Don’t have me reciting my history up in here? Ya’ damned Kappa!  And so what if I want to have a family on my own.  Black women have been doing it for forever.  Time and Ashlyn -- waits for no one!

He stands up and gives her a shimmy while twirling one of the bamboo sticks from the floral arrangement.

Ashlyn smiles as she watches his muscles move under his clothes. She finds herself staring with her mouth wide open. She closes her mouth and stands up next to him.

Ashlyn: G-A-M-M-A P-H-I D-E-L-T-A ‘Till the day that I die G-PHI!

He starts tickling her. They both fall to the floor.

Patrick (Dennis): Oh, so, y’all got little chants and stuff huh? That’s so cute. Your little made up sorority…

She’s tipsy so, she gets very upset and yells…

Ashlyn: I became apart of that sorority because they cater to people like me. They accept women with 2 and 4 year degrees, it’s a business and professional sorority and it’s great in the community. DON’T DISRESPECT MY ORG!

Patrick (Dennis): That drink has got you feeling bold huh? Okay, okay…I’m sorry.

He kisses her cheek. She folds her arms and rolls her eyes.

Patrick (Dennis): You still interested in learning about my life or what?

Ashlyn: Oh, you mean other than the fact that you’re a ignorant ass Kappa?

Patrick (Dennis): Yes beautiful…other than that.

Ashlyn: I guess. (Trying to hide her smile)

Patrick (Dennis): Well, I’m from Birmingham, AL. I am an only child. My mother was a Bible thumping sister on Sunday and a back slider Monday thru Saturday! I went to UAB and got my engineering degree. Right now I’m freelancing but, I want to own my own firm. I’m recently estranged from my lover and I have a new lease on life. I love riding my chopper and I just take life as it comes. That’s really me in a nutshell.

Ashlyn: So, do you normally pick up women in casinos?

Patrick (Dennis): Do you normally go on “girls only” trips only to end up with a dude?

Ashlyn: Touché.

She glances at the clock…

Ashlyn: Dang, it’s 6am! I guess I’d better go.

She leans over and kisses him deeply.

Patrick (Dennis): You sure? Let’s order some room service and eat breakfast.

Ashlyn: No, my girls are going to be worried.

Patrick (Dennis): Come on girl…text them and let them know you’re okay. Stay with me.

Ashlyn: Wellllll…..I don’t know.

Patrick: What’s the problem? You gonna be charged for late checkout or something? I’ll pay it.

Ashlyn: Boy please! Money is not a thing to me! I told you my parents set me up right and I am good! I don't know why men always want to jump to the rescue.  Did I ask you to rescue me?  I'm sitting lovely over here!

Patrick (Dennis): Girl didn’t no body challenge your networth! What are you a trust fund baby?

Ashlyn: That’s right! A cool mil. And that’s on top of the life insurance and inheritance from my parents. I’m not bragging…I’m just saying.

Patrick (Dennis): Uh huh…so about that room service.

She wants to argue some more but, realizes it would be in vain.

Ashlyn: Let’s do it. Why not?

Patrick (Dennis): Marry me.

Ashlyn: What?

Patrick (Dennis): Marry me. Let’s be together like this always.

Ashlyn: Marry you?  I don’t even know your full name.

Patrick (Dennis): It’s Dennis Davis.

Copyright © 2010 - 2012 Cravencrest. All Rights Reserved. Do not duplicate or redistribute in any form.

Cravencrest Episode Nine

Happy Monday Rose Heads!  It's time for your weekly dose of Cravencrest!  Cravencrest is a weekly soap opera that I write.  I started writing it in 2010 and I've brought it back just for you!  If you want to get caught up, click the "Cravencrest" tab at the top of the blog!

EPISODE NINE:

We begin this episode at the 7th Street Sushi Bar. Tasha, Corlis, Valencia and Adrienne are having a girl’s night out.


Valencia: Waiter, excuse me, may I have some more sake please?

Corlis: I don’t see how you drink that stuff. It’s so strong! I can smell it all the way over here.

Valencia: Well I like it…hell.

Tasha: Y’all please act like you have some sense. My girl Adrienne will be here in a minute and I don’t want you to make her feel like an outcast.

Corlis: Why do you always have to give folks a lecture? We are extra grown now. You kill me with that. (She smiles)

Valencia: That’s alright Tasha…preach on, preach on! We’ll be nice. Well, let me speak for myself.

Corlis: Yeah, speak for yourself humph! Just kidding…I’ll be nice, I promise.

Adrienne walks in the restaurant. Tasha sees her and flags her over to their table. Adrienne smiles and walks to the back of the restaurant.

Adrienne: Hey Tasha! (Hugs her from the side) Hey how y’all doing? I’m Adrienne; it’s nice to meet you.

Valencia: Hey I’m Valencia, you can call me Val.

Adrienne: Hey Val. (She smiles)

Corlis: Don’t nobody call your ass Val….VALENCIA!

Tasha: Adrienne, this grumpy old soul is Corlis.

Corlis: Ya mama!

Adrienne: Uh, hey. (She opens a menu) So, ladies are the California rolls good?

Tasha: California rolls? I don’t know….my favorite here is the crunchy tuna roll.

Adrienne: Oh, that does sound good.

Tasha: So, listen ladies, I called this “ladies night out” meeting to celebrate a milestone in my life.

Tasha reaches into her pocket and slips on her engagement ring. She holds up her hand in front of her face. Everyone gasps as they look at her ring. She smiles a big smile and looks at her hand.

Tasha: Can you believe it? Wes proposed last week. Keeping it a secret has been killing me; I wanted to tell you all so bad!

Corlis: So, when is the date? I know I’m the maid of honor right?

Adrienne: What are the colors?

Valencia: Uh, um, excuse me girls. I’ll be right back.

Tasha: You alright? You look sick.

Valencia: Oh, I’m fine, I’ve just been feeling a little queasy all day.  I just need to go to the ladies room.  Be right back.

She scoots out of the booth and walks away.

Corlis: I told her ass that damn sake was too much!

Tasha: She said all day…not just now. Leave her alone Corlis damn!

Corlis: Well, it’s probably all those fumes from working at that shop. I mean, how many perms can you do without becoming sick?

Adrienne: I know I don’t know her very well, but…is she pregnant? That’s exactly how I was when I had my son, Caleb.

Tasha: You think she might be? Damn.

Corlis: Anything is possible. She’s been with Drexel a long time. She did tell me that they don’t use condoms. Talkin’ bout he just pulls out. Humph! I told her dumb ass…now she pregnant. Lawd Jesus!

Adrienne: Well, I don’t know if she is, I was just….

Tasha: Corlis will you shut up? She’s going to hear you telling all her business!

Valencia comes from around the corner and stands behind Tasha.

Valencia: What business?

Corlis: The fact that you and Drexel don’t use condoms and you actin’ all pregnant.

Valencia: You are so ignorant Corlis. ANYWAY (Rolling her eyes at Corlis) Tasha finish telling us about the wedding.

Tasha: Well, we know that we want to get married in the summer. So, it’ll probably be next summer in May or June. The colors are going to be cream, fuchsia and burnt orange. I’m going to have three bridesmaids and they’re all sitting here at this table! I’m going to have two maids of honor CORLIS! I want y’all to each wear a different style of dress. This is going to be hot! The groomsmen will wear suits and not tuxes and…

Valencia starts to cry. She is trying to wipe the tears before anyone pays attention. Tasha looks at her and touches her hand.

Tasha: Valencia, what’s wrong boo? Please tell us what’s going on with you! You’re scaring me.

Valencia: (She starts sniffling) Okay, you were right, I am pregnant.

Corlis: Then why the hell are you drinking girl? (Snatching the sake from Valencia’s hand) Have mercy Jesus!

Valencia: Do you want to chastise me or do you want to know what’s going on?

Corlis: I’m sorry…go ahead. (She drinks the sake)

Valencia: I’m pregnant but, it’s not Drexel’s.

Corlis:  Shut the front door!

Valencia: Remember that guy Patrick Crixus I told y’all about?

Tasha: The guy that owns an Engineering Firm or something? I thought you said he was gay!

Valencia: It’s just all messed up. I can’t have this baby. He is gay! And me being pregnant isn’t the worst part. The worst part is I think he used to be married to Ashlyn.

Adrienne: Your boss?

Corlis: What? How do you know that?

Valencia: When we were together last he told me all this stuff.  He said…

Copyright © 2010 - 2012 Cravencrest. All Rights Reserved. Do not duplicate or redistribute in any form.

THINGS I'm THANKful for...

Sup Rose Heads?  As you know this blog is random.  It's random because I'm random.  Let me tell you something, when people think you're crazy, that is so freeing!  Try it sometimes...but, don't say I told you to do it!  This blog is like the Seinfeld of the the blogging world. 

Now, I have a list of THINGS that I'm grateful for and I'd like to share them.  I'm not going to include any of the obligatory things that a mother and a wife should, like "the love of my family", "peace in my soul" or "the festive fall leaves"...you've heard that enough!  >>Insert cliche'...don't judge me<<

Here is my list.  Boom.

The Rubbermaid Reveal Mop:

This mop is the best mop I've EVER used!  I hate mopping!  It's right up there with doing laundry and de-hairing my body!  However, this mop makes mopping kind of fun.  Let me explain:  You can make your own cleaning mixture.  The bottle comes off, and you can add any cleaner you want!  I do, two parts water, one part Purple Fabuloso and one part Clorox Clean-up.  The pads are microfiber and pick up everything.  They're not hard on your floors and they are very absorbent.  I love the fact that they hook AND Velcro onto the mop head so you KNOW they're not going anywhere. I throw them in the washer when I'm done and boom, pap (not smear), pow...I'm good!  No stinky mop smell!  The mop head swivels and is really flat so you can scoop under the fridge and the range.  Finally, to dispense the cleaner, you squeeze a trigger.  Uh...GENIUS!  Kill. That. Dirt.

Johnson and Johnson's Baby Oil Gel:

My mama is from Birmingham, AL but, my father is from NIGERIA!  So, I have some serious skin!  I'm not saying all African people have dry skin but, my daddy does!  He passed that crocodile skin down to me!  Over the years, I have used Vaseline, Eucerin and even Cocoa Butter to moisturize my skin.  BUT...I have found that if I apply this as soon as I get out of the shower, my skin stays moisturized all day!  I like to mix it with Shea butter during the cold months.  It WILL stain your clothes though! Be careful!

Walker's Wood Jerk Seasoning:

I don't know about you but, I LOVE Jerk seasoning!  It's just good in my soul!  If you don't like ethnic foods or spicy foods, this ain't for you boo!  It's a paste so, it's easy to add to chicken, beef, pork or seafood.  Not only is it spicy but, it's flavorful.  There is a mild version of this but, who cares about that? ......No one?  Exactly!  Since I don't eat meat, I use this on fish.  I usually chop up some onion and bell pepper, saute them in olive oil with a little coarse sea salt and garlic.  Then, I add some tilapia in with about a tea spoon full of Walker's Wood and a half a cup of water.  I let that cook for about 15 minutes and BOOM!  Perfect fish to go over rice with a side of veggies!

Caress Body Wash:

I hate those damned little puff things. They scratch my coo-coo (maybe you aren't supposed to use them on your coo-coo). There fore, I use quite a bit of body wash on my wash towel during my showers.  So, it benefits me to use a cost effective product that also moisturizes, washes completely away and smells heavenly.  Caress fits the bill.  I don't know of a retailer where it is not available.  That alone adds to it's value in my opinion. 

Sally Hansen Hair Removal Cream for Face, Upper Lip and Chin:

I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Oh, don't cry me a river, I'll be alright. BUT...one of the side effects is a chin full of hair.  So, I use a facial depilatory to remove the hair.  This Sally Hansen product is the best that I've found.  It's quick, it's easy, it's not harsh and you can use it multiple times a week.  Boom and shaka-locka.

Maggi Instant Bouillon:

This stuff is a life saver!  I work full time outside of the home so, I don't have lots of time in the evenings to prepare our family meals.  Also, since I don't eat chicken, turkey, beef or pork, I find that a lot of the veggies I used to prepare with meat as a seasoning don't taste as good.  This seasoning helps me get things done in the blink of an eye.  I use it to flavor my Lima beans, black eyed peas, greens and cabbage.  Only a SMALL AMOUNT is required since it's pure sodium but, it's a great tool to have in your cooking arsenal.  Oh, don't get me started on broth for soups!

So, there you have it, some THINGS I'm grateful for!  Any product faves you're grateful for?



Vote and REMEMBER

Make NO mistake.  Democracy is a concept that only works if EVERYONE has the opportunity to give their input on the political process that governs our lives.

Don't just look at these black and white photos and disconnect.  These marches and movements were VERY real!  They did not arbitrarily occur.  Minorities were disenfranchised and made mute by the very government that was to protect and respect them.  Every vote, every law, every amendment was created without their input and they FOUGHT against being shut out.

As a result, we are VERY MUCH part of the process now.  If you neglect your right to vote, you are in essence disregarding, under valuing and marginalizing the efforts made by your fore mothers and fathers.

Interesting voting facts:

After the U.S. Civil War (1861-65), the 15th Amendment, ratified in 1870, prohibited states from denying a male citizen the right to vote based on “race, color or previous condition of servitude.

On March 7, 1965, peaceful participants in a voting rights march from Selma, Alabama, to the state capital in Montgomery were met by Alabama state troopers who attacked them with nightsticks, tear gas and whips after they refused to turn back. Some protesters were severely beaten, and others ran for their lives. The incident was captured on national television.

The voting rights bill was passed in the U.S. Senate by a 77-19 vote on May 26, 1965. After debating the bill for more than a month, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the bill by a vote of 333-85 on July 9. Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act into law on August 6, with Martin Luther King Jr. and other civil rights leaders present at the ceremony.

The act banned the use of literacy tests, provided for federal oversight of voter registration in areas where less than 50 percent of the nonwhite population had not registered to vote, and authorized the U.S. attorney general to investigate the use of poll taxes in state and local elections (in 1964, the 24th Amendment made poll taxes illegal in federal elections; poll taxes in state elections were banned in 1966 by the U.S. Supreme Court).

Learn more HERE

So, please, I beg and implore you to go out today and exercise your RIGHT TO VOTE!  Our foreparents have secured this right for us.  Do not squander their contribution.  Do the right thing.

If you experience any trouble at the polls, please contact any of the following numbers:

1-866-OUR-VOTE (866-687-8683)
1-888-VE-Y-VOTA (en Español)
1-866-MYVOTE1 (866-698-6831)



Cravencrest Episode Eight...

Hey there Rose Heads!  As promised, here is Ep. 8 of Cravencrest!  If you're lost and need to start reading from the beginning, please click the "Cravencrest" tab at the top of the blog!  Thanks for stopping by today and have a great week!

EPISODE EIGHT:

We resume this episode at Gregory’s 28th birthday party….


Gregory: I know that you may think that a relationship between a Professor and a student is inappropriate but, I can assure you that I know the meaning of discretion. You’re 23 years old and that’s only a five year difference. I’ve been watching you since our first committee meeting in the Fall.

Peyton: Listen, Profes…I mean Gregory. I don’t even know you well enough to say that I’ll be in a relationship with you and I’m put off by how direct you are. I…

Before she can finish her sentence, Gregory grabs her and kisses her. Her body tenses at first, then, she relaxes and begins to kiss him back. They caress each other’s bodies and kiss their way to the overstuffed leather couch in the corner of the room. Gregory begins to move his hand up Peyton’s thigh. She let’s out an audible sigh as she grabs the back of his head.

Just then, Justice walks past the room. He walks back and stares in the door watching them in disbelief…

Peyton hears a hiccup and turns her head towards the door. She sees Justice, opens her eyes wide and gasps. She jumps up, pushing Gregory away. She grabs Justice’s arm and yanks him in the room while simultaneously slamming the door.

Justice is standing looking at Gregory with venom in his eyes.

Gregory: What the hell are you doing eavesdropping man?

Peyton: Gregory!

Justice: (He hiccups again) What the hell are you doing taking advantage of an innocent female student? Just wait until Monday, I’m reporting your pervert ass!

Peyton: Justice! Hold on…

Gregory: Listen boy, don’t think you’re going to come in my home and raise up on me! Don’t even imagine that you can threaten me. It’s your word against mine and…how many drinks has your hiccuping ass had tonight? As far as I’m concerned you didn’t see anything. Isn’t that right Peyton?

Justice: Peyton, what is this huh? I thought that we were feeling each other.

Gregory: Peyton, I asked you a question.

Peyton: Justice, I never said that I felt anything. You know I admire your voice and your talent but, I think you jumped to conclusions about us. And Gregory, I am not a child. Do not speak to me like one. I’m flattered by you and I would like to explore where this could go…just not while lying on my back. I let myself get carried away. Justice, I need you to keep your mouth shut about all this.

Justice: Yeah, I’ll see (he hiccups) what I can do.

He opens the door and storms out of the party slamming the door behind him.

Peyton sits on the couch with her head in her hand. She starts to collect her purse and put on her shoes when Gregory tries to hug her.

Peyton: I just said that I’m not trying to get to know you while laying on my back Gregory!

Gregory: I’m just trying to comfort you. I respect what you said and I’m sorry about my tone earlier.

Peyton: It’s fine…can we just…

They’re interrupted by a woman’s shouting voice. They adjust their clothes and go out into the living room to find a woman in the middle of the room ordering everyone to leave. She is dressed in a black mini-dress, black tights, leopard, platform BCBG pumps and large diamond studs. Her hair is pulled back and her make-up is flawless. She is very beautiful almost stunning.

Gregory: Aletha? Oh, uh, honey what are you doing here?

Peyton: Honey?

Aletha: You know Greg; I don’t have an issue with you having a get together for your birthday. But, God damn it…I come home early to surprise you and some little dude outside tells me that you’re in that damned music room hugged up with some teeny bopper co-ed! This is too much! I am your WIFE and you WILL RESPECT ME! Everybody get the fuck out!

Copyright © 2010-2012 Cravencrest. All Rights Reserved. Do not duplicate or redistribute in any form.

Cravencrest Episode Seven...

Good morning Rose Heads!  Rise and Shine!  It's time for some new juicy episodes of Cravencrest!  Cravencrest is a soap opera that I write and feature every Monday here on What Rose Redd Said.  If you need to get caught up on any missed episodes, please click the "Cravencrest" tab above to see all the episdoes of the past!

From now on, they'll be two episodes every Monday, so after you read this one, be sure to read EPISODE EIGHT!

Now, on to the show...

EPISODE SEVEN:

We begin this episode at Coiffed Hair Salon. Ashlyn has just called Marlon…

Ring, ring, ring….

Marlon: Hello.

Ashlyn: Hey, are you alright? I felt so bad for you the other night. That migraine must have been something serious. You looked pretty bad.

Marlon: I’m cool. Yeah, I took two 800mg Motrin and a muscle relaxer.

Ashlyn: Dang! All that huh? You had better slow down on all those drugs…lawd have mercy! Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better. Marlon, may I ask you something? Hold on; hold on…I know she is not eating in here! Give me a second Marlon.

Marlon: Oh, okay.

Valencia, I have told you countless numbers of times…do not eat in this shop! Go to the back! I don’t care if there are no clients in here! Please, help me out! Better yet, help yourself out and stay employed!

Ashlyn: Hey, I’m back…sorry about that.

Marlon: That’s okay; you had to handle some business. You run a tight ship (He laughs).

Ashlyn: Damn right! I have worked too hard to create a certain image and I plan to maintain that image. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh! Please tell me where Dennis is.

Marlon: I uh, really don’t know. He came home one day and said that he couldn’t live with our lifestyle anymore and that he needed his space. He said he was moving to Atlanta. It’s been seven months now and I haven’t heard from him.

Ashlyn: Marlon, you mean to tell me that you all were together for six years and he hasn’t called you in seven months? Why are you lying?

Marlon: Excuse me? I am NOT lying and I resent you saying that. Has he called you? Hell, he was YOUR damn husband!

Ashlyn: Yes, he was but, I obviously didn’t know him as well as you did! Don’t think that I’m stupid enough to think that he would contact me before he contacted you!

Marlon: Listen heffa, I already told you that I don’t know where his raggedy ass is! I am not in the habit of arguing and I don’t plan to start now!

Ashlyn: Heffa! Heffa? You know what Marlon? That was some extra gay shit to say!

Marlon: Oh? Was I extra gay when I was kissing you in all the right places? Remember you stopped me because you said you couldn’t have sex but you could do everything else? Uh, huh I never forget!

Ashlyn: (She bursts out laughing) Okay, okay…I’m sorry. I guess I did tease you huh? Wow…I was trying to remain virtuous AND get my freak on! Is that a crime? (She laughs again).

Marlon: No, it’s not a crime…I just had to remind you. Come on Ash, can’t we just focus on us. I know our pasts are somewhat connected but, do we have to get revenge? I really do love you.

Ashlyn: Marlon, I can’t move on knowing how he did me and you! I don’t think I could ever see past it. I care for you but, this is all so strange.  I feel like I'm on Candid Camera like this was all staged or something.

Marlon:  (He lets out a deep sigh) Ash...I need to tell you something...

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Dear Annoying Ass Co-worker...

Dear annoying ass co-worker,

I really don't like you.  I only smile and nod when you speak because my mother would drive up here and pop me if I didn't act as though I had home training.  It is amazing that you think that I would be remotely interested in your personal life.  I'm not even interested in what you do professionally.  Furthermore, I'm not offended that you don't like Obama and that you have an aversion to addressing ethnic groups by their proper names as opposed to common street slang.  HOWEVER, I am offended that your hands are always just as ashy as they were before you went into the men's room which lets me know that you don't wash them. 

So, in closing I would like to say, if you were on fire, I wouldn't spit on you.  If I see you walking or riding outside of work, I shall greet you with a double middle finger salute.  You jerkface, douche bag, ego maniacal, narcissistic, prejudice good ol boy.

Oh, and I keyed your car.

Peace mutha fu***.