My Cosmo VoxBox Post is Better Than Yours! Venus Embrace, Ghirardelli Sea Salt Escape, Pilot FriXion Pens and Forever Red

Hey y'all!  Okay, so, here is the tea... If you don't have an Influenster account, then you're living in the dark ages of paid surveys and recycling cans for coins (okay maybe that's still awesome...go green biotch!).  It's a fun site that will send you products to review!  I mean first of all, it's never bad stuff and second of all it gives you blog content!

Sooo....let's talk about this "Cosmo VoxBox".

My FAVE thing in the ENTIRE box is the Venus Embrace razor:

Okay, I have to de-hair every other week.  I held off an extra week just to put the razor to the ultimate test...hey...don't look at the screen like that! LOL!  It was a smooth shave!  I switched out the blades and tried the "Oil of Olay" blades...OH MY GOD!  My skin felt so good and moisturized! I loved how I could just switch the blades out like that! The shave was a close shave but, not uncomfortable.   This is my go-to from now on!  I'm sold!

 My second fave out of the box were the Pilot FriXion erasable ink pens!:

Aside from the fact that the ink is erasable, I loved the grip on the pens and the fact that Pilot makes them!  I'm an avid list writer and sticky note user!  Also, the unique tribal design on the pens will allow me to easily identify them in case any of my co-workers try to abscond with my pens!

My third favorite thing was the Ghirardelli Sea Salt Escape: 

When you want salty and sweet in one bite...this yummy delight will do it!  I mean this is a menstruating girl's best friend!  Throw-in some salt and vinegar potato chips and it's a break-up snack fest!

Last but not least is Forever Red by Bath and Body Works: 

This sexy perfume is (in my opinion) for an evening out (or in) with your honey.  It's sensual, floral and subtle with a hint of musk.  One dab behind each ear, one dab on each wrist and a over the panties coo-coo spray and you're golden! :)

I REALLY enjoyed everything in my little Cosmo VoxBox!  Definitely an A+ package!

2012 #FatGirl Bucket List

Listen, I'm not going to sugar coat it by, calling myself "thick", "curvy" or "voluptuous" I'm cute and sexy but, I'm fat.  I've gotten too big for my own health and comfort.  My coo-coo is hot all the time because my stomach lays on top of it and my thighs close over it.  I have to tuck my back fat into my bra strap and my chin and neck are inviting other chins and necks to visit all the time!

This isn't a I'm fat pitty party, I'm just setting up my post...follow me.

I've decided to live a healthier lifestyle for 2013 and beyond.  It's imperative to my personal happiness and comfort.

BUT...I've still got some things to eat before I get started.

Cracker Barrel Biscuits are freakin' amaze-balls!  Figo's Crabmeat Ravioli with Arrabbiata sauce...have mercy #PraiseMoses its' good!  Antico's pizza is authentic Italian good shit.  Papa John's taste like Chuck E Cheese pizza compared to this stuff.  #BankheadBounceGood  Finally, Curry shrimp Roti...this thing alone is a good Fifteen-HUNNID' calories but, it too shall visit the party in my tummy (so yummy, so yummy).

Checker's French Fries are seasoned with the magic of the fast food #SodiumGreaseandSoul.  Flammin' Hot Cheetos cannot and shall not be consumed without a Grape Fanta. #RatchetSnack and last but certainly not least, I must add the low cost, bottom of the barrel AmeriMex food that is the 7 Layer Burrito from the Bell of Tacos...don't forget that Fire Sauce to go with it #YumYumYumDelicioso

Clearly, I'm getting my gluttony out of the way before I sell my soul (and my stomach, thighs, chin, neck and back fat bra roll) to 2013...any more sinnin' to do before the New Year?

Since The World Might End...I'm Going In!

If the Mayan calendar is correct then, this is my last blog post.  I'm pretty sure, it's not but, for the sake of an excuse to act foolish, I'd like to create the my #GetChoLife #NegroPlease #Whaaaa and #Praise Moses lists for 2012.

The Chris Brown, Rihanna and Karrueche Tran Love Triangle:  Please stop. Chris, be with one or the other, but, not both.  C'mon now!  And ladies...stop playing with his pee-pee if you know it's not yours! That mess is tap dancing on my last coo-coo hair!

Apple:  Stop suing folks and holding patents and being douche bags.  If you truly care about the growth of technology and advancement, stop trying to create a damn monopoly!  Now!  How ya like THEM Apples...biotches!?!?!

All the States that filed Secession Petitions:  Really?  Y'all want to leave the union?  Well, take ya bish-asses on!  I understand you being upset but, if you didn't leave when Bush and Reagan were in office then...

Kat Williams:  HAVE. SEVERAL. SEATS!  I've rented out the GA Dome for you...just sit down!

Kenya Moore:  I remember watching Miss USA the year she won!  I was such a happy little girl watching her get crowned.  She has tarnished her legacy by acting so ugly all on the television.  My granny always said:  Pretty is as pretty does.  According to granny logic...this chick is Bear-illa (that would be a bear and gorilla) ugly.

Nicki Minaj:  Don't fight with THE Mariah Carey and do all that extra stuff!  Be your...original, out the box, pushing the envelope self...just keep your "gangsta" in your pocket...while you're on the television at least.

Joseline Hernandez:  Yeah....don't ever fight over a dude.  Just don't. Also, don't brag about taking folk's men from them...karma is like a boomerang (do you know what that is?)...nevermind. Mannnn! <----- and I MEAN that!

Flavor Flav:  Owner of a chicken joint (why??? That's so cliche!), proud father to a baker's dozen worth of kids and recent assault charge catching dude...not a good look Flav.  Do YOU know what time it is?  That's right!  Sit your ass down time!

Trina Braxton:  I love you and your sisters.  BUT...here's what you don't do... Don't go on the television and say that you gave some dude mouth neck and throat KNOWING your sons could watch that!  C'mon girl!

Bobbi Kristina:  Take some time to grow up.  You have your whole life ahead of you.  Don't make anymore statements, don't argue with your family publicly...just lay low and try to grieve and grow-up in peace.

Stacey Dash:  Bish...your accomplishments are this big and your ignorance is THIS BIG!!  Please refrain from speaking.

Donald Trump:  Kill yourself...and take the gun with you to the after life and kill yourself again!

Gabby Douglas:  Thank God for her talent and how she has inspired so many little Black girls!  Folks talking about her hair and they can't even turn a damn cartwheel!

Robin Roberts:  The epitome of a fighter!  Thank God for her being vocal and public about her illnesses giving people hope and courage.

Hurricane Sandy:  Thank God that the damage wasn't worse than it was.  Thank God the people affected are recovering.

President Barack Obama:  Thank God he got re-elected!

Boots and Bows Biotch!

Hey y'all!  Today is my office holiday gathering.  Though I appreciate the free lunch I'm going to have to be honest and say that I'm not SUPER excited to be hanging out with some of these booger mining, booty scratching, penis touching and no hand washing, bigots, jerkfaces and pretentious posers.  The other 10 people are cool though! LOL!

I decided to be a bit festive and dress for the occasion.  We are going to South City Kitchen (prissy southern food for people that lack melanin) which is in walking distance from the office...hence the riding boots.  I'm not scuffing up my heels walking through these ATL streets!  Uh uh Boo Boo!

This is my serious I know think I'm cute face.  Le Boom.

Now that I'm looking at this pose, I'm noticing that my tummy is doing THE ABSOLUTE MOST!  But, hey, it's my stomach boo!  I earned her fair and square!

That's that Vanna Black smile! Pow!

Lace tights (okay these are really footless, they're from my freaky sneaky drawer...you know what I'm talkin' 'bout!  I've got to go buy some PG rated tights.) and boots.  Splack Cow!

Long hair don't care! Peace Biotch!  <--- I had to add that, it's the only way the title of this post makes any sense! LOL!

Any holiday parties coming up?

We're NOT Spoiling him for Christmas...

I love the holidays.  There is a warmth and an undercurrent of excitement that comes along with the holiday season every year.  The decorations, classic television specials, decadent food and gatherings with friends and family make the season bright, to coin a phrase.  All this good cheer and joy is amplified exponentially when you have a child that KNOWS Santa is on the way!

Picard is three now.  For the first time, he is looking forward to Christmas with all the vigor and anticipation that only a child can display.  Just knowing that he is waiting to hear the clicking of reindeer hoofs on our roof makes me want to go all out!  I want him to know that mommy and daddy Santa appreciates how sweet and good and wonderful he is.  However, I don't think it requires going in to debt for some toys that he won't be interested in after Christmas Day.

Therefore, there will not be a plethora of gadgets that sing, boxes that squawk and gizmos that ding.  This is what we've come up with:

Books, Puzzles and Thinking Games:  I think it's pretty ridiculous for kids to only have electronic toys.  Toys are meant to feed and cultivate a child's imagination.  That's so important.  Books are essential for pre-literacy and literacy skills so, that's a given for every holiday.  I think this is the best category on the list.

Undies, Clothes and Shoes: Now that I'm a mother, I totally understand those Christmas boxes stuffed full of undies, socks and clothes that Granny or my Aunts would send.  Think about it, Christmas is an opportune time to replace old clothes, shoes and undies because it's the end of the year!  That stuff is bound to be a little worn due to multiple washes and normal kid wear and tear.

Experiences:  My husband has really changed my mentality when it comes to how I live and what kind of life I want to give our child.  He (my hubby) always talks about us investing in experiences rather than "things".  He is so right!  You're more apt to say "I remember when we went to the zoo that Summer" as opposed to "I remember when I got some miscellaneous toy".

"IT" Toys: Now, I'm not a staunch mom that's too set in  her ways and beliefs for there to be any amount of wiggle room.  I think if you can afford it and it's practical that every kiddie needs one "IT" Toy.

So, that's it!  What are you doing for your kiddies this Christmas?

Ratchet Snack List

Hey Rose Heads!  Are you having a good week?  My week got off to a bumpy start but, I'm making the best of it because this here life is too damn short! 

Sooo, earlier this week, I was venting to the #BLM ladies (Bloggers Like Me) about how this guy at my job was giving me the "oh no" face because I was eating Flamming Hot Cheetos and drinking a Pineapple Fanta.  I wanted him to let me eat my RATCHET SNACK in peace!  I mean dang!  So, that got my wheels turning and I decided to create short lists of all my fave RATCHET SNACK categories!

1. Fritos:  Perfect for dipping, chili's and more!  Hell, you KNOW it was a ratchet person that came up with a damn Frito Pie!  The hot breath advisory makes this perfect for...Ratchet Rating 10! 

2.  Flamming Hot Cheetos:  Cheese and spiciness PLUS it has the lick your fingers treat at the end.  Ratchet approved.

3.   Funyuns:  I mean, it's a chip version of an onion ring.  Ratchet stamp of approval. 

4.  Hot Fries:  Every candy lady, corner store, bodega or side sto' has these.  Spicy and ghetto in a bag.  Ratchet Certified.

5.  Flamming Hot Funyuns:  I mean...it's the baby of Flamming Hot Cheetos and Funyuns.  I bet Flamming Hot Cheetos totally seduced Funyuns.  Hot snack sex...Ratchet XXX.

6.  Cool Ranch Doritos:  A ranch corn chip.  Ratchet bells, ratchet bells, ratchet all the way!

1.  Sunflower seeds:  Anything you chew first only to spit out...definitely a ratchet classic.

2.  Peanuts (especially if they're boiled):  Country and Ratchet.  A hybrid ratchet snack.

3.  Pork Rinds or Cracklin's:  I don't eat no parts of the pig but, growing up, these were in my tummy quite frequently.  AND there was hot sauce involved.  Ratchet, ratchet everywhere and not a drop to drink.

4.  Fiddle Faddle or Crunch and Munch or the Carmel popcorn in that big ass tub of popcorn that you get during the holidays:  Popcorn with something sweet on top...that shit is not gourmet.  It's ratchet.

1.  Any type of Ramen or Oodles of Noodles:  Anything that costs $0.10 a pack...ratchet.  But I WILL put some Texas Pete hot sauce on them and SUPER MAN that bowl...Now watch me Youuuuuuuuu! Any food that makes you burst into a rap song...it's ratchet.

2.  Banquet Pot pie:  Meat and veggies in a crust with gravy.  Yeah...ratchet.  PLUS...they'll like $0.50.

3.  Bar S Hot dogs:  Again, I don't eat meat but, growing up...I would fry these up, get some bread with some onions and mustard.  Whoa Lord!  Help me Moses!  RAT-CHET-TA!

4.  Frozen Hot wings:  Super, triple, sigh...Twinkle, twinkle, ratchet snack...how I wonder where you at!

1.  Air Heads:  Boy!  That mystery white flavor!  Make you do the Tootsie Roll (don't act like you don't remember that dance).  Sweet and Ratchet.

2.  Now and Laters:  You already know "Red" is the best flavor! Chewy and ratchet.

3.  Sweet or Sour Gummy Worms:  Ratchet classic. 

4.  Lemon Heads:  If you know how to make the box whistle after you're done eating them...then, you're ratchet royalty!

1.  Pineapple Fanta.

2.  Orange Fanta.

3.  Grape Fanta.

4.  Tahitian Treat.

All ratchet because they are fruit flavored.  Raaaaaaaaa (take a breath) aaaatchet!

What are your favorite ratchet snacks?

This AIN'T Working Out...

This isn't working.  Get up. Get dressed.  Dress Picard.  Perform miscellaneous pre-work tasks.  Drive through maddening traffic. Get to work late.  Live in fear of loosing my job for being late. Resent job.  Go through the guilt of resenting a "good paying" job when so many don't have one.  Lament over my looming and ever growing list of duties that are non-work related.  Make promises to myself.  Make lots of lists and affirmations.  Get in the car.  Fight traffic to get to the daycare in time.  Rush to cook dinner.  Spend some precious family time.  Grind (most times no bumping). Sleep. Repeat.

My dream is to stay at home and be a SAHM (stay at home mom) and run my crafting business as well.  It's not a lofty dream.  It's just that in order for me to not work, we are going to have to pay down our debt.  Which isn't overwhelming but, it's substantial.  Especially when you factor in student loans for two people.  Cliche as it may sound, I know that nothing worth having comes easy.  I'm am attempting patience but, today, I'm just a skosh discouraged, frustrated and annoyed with my dream.

It would help me to be able to still work for someone else but, be able to do it from home.  Sigh...