Yep, 'cause no other form of discipline has EVER worked right? WTF!
The way in which we're raising Picard is completely different from the way my mama raised me. That's okay because she and I are two different people that have had two very different sets of life experiences. When I realized I was to become a mother, I began recalling my upbringing and deciding which strategies and tactics I would take with me into my own parenting journey. I was surprised to realize, that I didn't want to use much of what I experienced. I didn't want to continue the tradition (especially in the African American community) of spankings/beatings and I didn't want to let my frustration guide my parenting and yell and react harshly when kids do...well...kid shit.
I guess if I had to put a title on our style of parenting it would be conscious parenting. I really like to call it "purposeful parenting".
Disclaimer: My mother was/is a good mom. She did what she thought was best and I am forever grateful for the mother that she is. As much as I'm trying to be a good mother, I know that inevitably, my little guy will grow into a man and critique and question the parenting choices that his father and are making. Though it may sting a little...I'll encourage him to be a purposeful parent and invest time in actually learning how to be the best parent possible. Part of that is looking at your own experiences.
I do not allow anyone else's opinion on how children should be raised to impact my decisions for my son. I don't spank him because I don't believe that hitting my son and acquiring his respect and obedience through fear is the best I can do as a parent. My thinking is that - since I have been on earth 27 years longer than him, I can most certainly use my intellect and creativity to EARN his respect and obedience. The notion that your child must respect and obey you simply because they're your child to me...is inaccurate. Spankings for me as a child, only served to stop me from exhibiting whatever the offending behavior was in front of my mother. It did not curtail my desire to do whatever it was. It did not teach me WHY whatever the behavior was - was wrong. You know what DID teach me? My mother's words. After I got spankings, I received lengthy talks about the offending behavior. Spanking = no lesson/Talking and Discussing = lesson Another thing is, I only got spankings when my mom was angry. I don't think your frustrations should be physically taken out on a child.
I don't really need to say "to each his own" because that is a given. I already know I'm in the minority. However, I'm sharing this because I don't think many of us are "Purposeful Parents". I think a lot of us just do what we can to take good care of our children. Folks will go to school and conferences to learn how to become an engineer or how to be a successful blogger and will never pick-up a parenting book or even just take a moment to evaluate how well they're doing as a parent.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes Mr. Picard takes me there and I want to pop him one! It's definitely not EASY to parent him this way. It would be much easier for me to hit him. Yell at him. Shut him down. BUT I realize that all of those behaviors would be showing him the antithesis of what I want him to exemplify as a person. If I give in to some of my urges and spank him, I'm not being a good communicator, I'm not exhibiting self control, creative problem solving and non-violent conflict resolution.
I am an advocate of "Purposeful Parenting". Decide that you're going to be invested in being a parent. Evaluate your parenting every once in a while and make a conscious effort to increase your parenting skills. It benefits your child, you and your family as a whole.
Do you ever think about how you parent?
