I am writing this from my red chair that sits in a clumsy spot in my living room. This chair has been my bed since I returned home from the hospital. Since I cannot lay comfortably (or without pain) in a bed, I'm here and here I shall stay until my two remaining drains are removed.
If I am to emerge from this recovery with my sanity, I must follow the doctor's orders to "take it easy". Therefore, I spend my days busying myself with the business of being busy. As much as one can be busy whilst "taking it easy". I haven't had this much time to think since I was a young woman entering college. When you're rushing around the world every day, working, cooking, commuting, and planning - there is no time to quiet your mind and think. Well, I should say, I never really took the time to quiet my mind and think. I truly believe that's why I've made some poor decisions.
When I lost my breasts, I lost so much of that shell that encased my mind. I realized that I am accountable for my emotions. I am responsible for my actions and reactions. It's up to me, to determine how I behave in the world. It doesn't matter what life experiences have shaped my existence. It only matters that I understand that I am only in control of me.
Here is some of what this means to me:
1. I will love myself even when it's hard to see myself for who I am. No matter what, I will put my mind and heart first. If I take complete care of myself, I can be there for others.
2. I will make an effort to respect everyone and try to put myself in their shoes.
3. I will hold myself accountable for all of my actions.
4. I will not allow anyone to hold me emotionally hostage. I cannot maintain any relationship where candid honesty is not the nucleus of the bond. Maintaining a stress free relationship requires that there are no secret qualms that one party has and expects the other to figure out. It's draining and counterproductive.
Hopefully, with these realizations, I'll be more balanced. I owe this all to my mastectomy. There have been so many silver linings. I'm grateful for this journey.
If I am to emerge from this recovery with my sanity, I must follow the doctor's orders to "take it easy". Therefore, I spend my days busying myself with the business of being busy. As much as one can be busy whilst "taking it easy". I haven't had this much time to think since I was a young woman entering college. When you're rushing around the world every day, working, cooking, commuting, and planning - there is no time to quiet your mind and think. Well, I should say, I never really took the time to quiet my mind and think. I truly believe that's why I've made some poor decisions.
Source: www.iworeyogapants.com
When I lost my breasts, I lost so much of that shell that encased my mind. I realized that I am accountable for my emotions. I am responsible for my actions and reactions. It's up to me, to determine how I behave in the world. It doesn't matter what life experiences have shaped my existence. It only matters that I understand that I am only in control of me.
Here is some of what this means to me:
1. I will love myself even when it's hard to see myself for who I am. No matter what, I will put my mind and heart first. If I take complete care of myself, I can be there for others.
2. I will make an effort to respect everyone and try to put myself in their shoes.
3. I will hold myself accountable for all of my actions.
4. I will not allow anyone to hold me emotionally hostage. I cannot maintain any relationship where candid honesty is not the nucleus of the bond. Maintaining a stress free relationship requires that there are no secret qualms that one party has and expects the other to figure out. It's draining and counterproductive.
Hopefully, with these realizations, I'll be more balanced. I owe this all to my mastectomy. There have been so many silver linings. I'm grateful for this journey.
