Mothering: Inside Voice

My son is four.  That means many things.  It means he and I struggle with his quest for autonomy.  It means that he is more verbally expressive.  It means that he is doing more independent thinking.  It means that he is becoming more manipulative.  It means that he is becoming an expert boundary pusher.  I find myself grappling with my parenting choices and refining my parenting style as we go.  That's the norm, I know.  However, when your child is having a melt-down because chicken, peas and rice wasn't his ideal meal...logic tends to be replaced with emotion.  For me, that emotion creates more harm in the situation than good.  I am also, with the aid of my husband of course, creating a parenting style that is completely different than what he or I experienced growing up.  So, we're sailing this ship with no compass...except our inner compass (that has to always be re-calibrated).

I talked about "purposeful parenting" in this post.  We really try to parent him with consideration and empathy, patience and creativity.  I am on a journey with my son and my husband that is beautiful and daunting at the same time.

There is a new tool in my parenting arsenal..."Inside Voice".  I know you've heard teachers tell students to use their inside voice - you may have uttered the phrase to your kids.  Well, I'm not using it in it's traditional sense.  I am using MY inside voice.  I find myself yelling at him and becoming extremely animated when correcting his behavior.  It's lunacy really.  It's as though I expect him to have the couth and maturity of an adult.  When he doesn't display the desired behavior, I buck my eyes, clinch my jaw and raise my voice.  I am displaying the very behavior that I am asking him not to.  I remember HATING that as a child.  There were always two standards - one for my mother, and one for me.  So, we spoke and made the decision to not yell at the boy.  Instead, we use our inside voice, look him in the eye and say what we need to say.  It is amazing how quickly these situations are diffused now.  I'm so grateful.  Now, I can THINK before I react to him.  It gives me time to understand his actions.

You know what else I do?  I apologize to him.  Sometimes I'm wrong.  I think that he isn't doing something I ask of him and I send him to the "Quiet Corner" when really he did do what I asked.  When that happens, I hug him and tell him that I apologize.  I want him to know that mommies make mistakes just like you.  I want him to know that he is worthy of my respect and I am worthy of his too.

I will continue to share my parenting revelations with you.  I would really appreciate if you would share yours with me as well.

I would like to leave you with this thought...
Women are powerful.  We are the mothers and the care takers of the Earth.  However, we are often unaware of our power and thus, many of us are rendered impotent.  Let's make an effort to share what we know with one another so that we may help our sisters shine, grow and glow. I will continue to share my knowledge and experiences with you.  Please share with someone else so that we may be strong and powerful together.