Giving You the Breasts That I've Got...

DISCLAIMER:  This post contains graphic images.  If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to read all the way through.  Additionally, I am sharing these photos and information to empower, educate and encourage anyone out there who is going through this.  If you know someone that needs to read this, please share it with them.

These days, I spend my time watching ridiculous amounts of television.  I work on organizing my craft studio.  I jot down my goals and plans for the future. I read books, listen to entire albums and force myself to face my fears. That's what you do when you're recovering from a double mastectomy I guess.  You busy yourself with the business of not being busy.

Having to deal with my emotions has proven to be the most difficult task that I've tackled thus far.  The physical pain and discomfort has taken a back seat to my emotions.  They run the gambit.  Fear, joy, disappointment, self-pitty, relief...  I know I have emerged from this experience a changed woman.  This experience has been just as impactful as having a child or getting married.  It has forced me to see myself in a different way.  I've had to redefine what womanhood, sex, identity and self esteem are to me.

One of the many perks of having this surgery has been talking to mom during the day.  I never thought when I was a teenager that my life wouldn't feel balanced if I didn't talk to my mother all the time.  She is currently fighting breast cancer and she NEVER complains.  She meets her challenge head-on with the ferocious intensity of an NFL player.  So, then, how I could I possibly complain?  The answer is, I cannot.  So, I won't.

I have had to dig deeper and love myself MORE to compensate for the challenges you go through when you are learning your new body.  The first time I saw what my breasts looked like, I broke down (and a couple more times after that).  It has been a constant battle grappling with this image everyday.  Then, I think of what cancer patients have to go through and I consider myself lucky.

When I have the second surgery, they won't look like this.  They're be beautiful and perky.  However, this is stage one.  There are tissue expanders in each breast that they will gradually fill-up until I'm my desired cup size.  It's a long process but, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

These tubes are called JP Drains.  They drain all the excess fluids from my surgery sites.  See how they're stitched into my skin?  That's very painful.  Initially, I had 8 drains, now I'm down to two.  The fluid has to be less than 30ccs before they'll remove a drain.  And when they do...let's just say it's not the most pleasant thing.  They tell you to breathe in and out and the second round, they yank it out.  Sigh...

This is where the plastic surgeon used my latissimus muscle, tissue and skin from my back to reconstruct my breasts.  As you can imagine, I sleep in a chair because I can't lay on my back, front, or sides.  

So, as you can see, this process isn't pretty.  It isn't glamorous but, I am fighting BREAST CANCER!  I am #Previvor and I couldn't be more proud of that.

I hope that you share my journey with your sister friends.  It only takes mere moments to check your breasts LIKE THIS.  It only takes one blood test to know if you have these genetic mutations.  Google BRCA tests. No worries, here is a great link, click on it and learn, learn, learn!