The Last Period...

One day, when I was nine years old, I got off the bus, headed into the house and, dropped my backpack at the door.  Since I hated the school restrooms and would often times go a whole day without peeing, I made a beeline for our comfy "powder room" (I love calling it that).  This was my normal routine.  However, on that particular day, I noticed that I was bleeding when I wiped.  Now, I suppose some other nine year old would have freaked.  Not me!  I immediately knew that I had started my cycle and that I was well on my way to becoming a young woman.  I was actually proud and excited!  Since I was a latch key kid, I had to call my mom to tell her.  She freaked out so badly that she lost her keys in the Eckerd's Drug Store.  That was my welcome into womanhood.  Period in the Powder Room and a delayed mother (insert Lifetime movie music).

Fast forward 23 years, I am having my last period.  Even though we loathe and detest the PMS, cramps, pimples, food cravings and all around inconvenience that accompanies Aunt Flo, it is a big part of what has made me a woman.  It's been there - good or bad for over two decades.  Now, because I have the BRCA1 genetic mutation that causes breast and ovarian cancer, I'm having an oophorectomy AND a healthy dose of menopause.  Last year, I had an oophorectomy to ease the symptoms of PCOS.  And now this year...no more ovaries at all.  Not that I ever really thought about gracefully aging but, I suppose I always imagined still having all my parts...now and forever.

I suppose I'm mourning my ovaries (and my breasts) because I won't be able to have any more children.  Not, naturally anyway.  I didn't even want anymore children.  But, now, I kinda do.  Insert cliche  --> "You never know what you've had until it's gone".  Well, I'm ambivalent about the kid thing.  But, I DO know that I don't want to remove my fucking ovary!  Damn!  My breasts are already gone!  How much more of myself do I have to lop off in order to be healthy!  FUUUUUUCK!  What if I sweat profusely?  I already have to wear deodorant without any antiperspirant!  What if my coo-coo no longer gets wet?

Deep breath...

As I reflect over the past twenty three years, I think about my period and how it has been a right of passage, an indicator that I wasn't pregnant, an indicator that I was pregnant, an embarrassment, a hindrance, a comfort, a betrayer and now...an old reliable friend that I must say goodbye to. 

Next week, I will be a 32 year old menopausal woman.  I remember when I was just a nine year old girl wanting so desperately to be older.  Now, I'm older, wanting so desperately to stay young.

Life is funny that way...