My first love was a Girl...

Hey Rose Heads.  Today, while browsing FB, I saw some rather hateful anti-gay stuff.  I just sat there staring at my screen feeling "safe" because I'm married to a man, we have a son and we appear "normal".  The reality is, if I hadn't met him, I could have easily ended up with a woman and a very different lifestyle.  It is extremely comfortable in our bubble.  But, most people don't know that the last person I was with before my husband was a woman.

Gasp and clutch the pearls honey because I'm about to keep it all the way extra real with you.  Oh and disclaimer:  Just because I may be attracted to women doesn't mean I'm trying to snatch your booty.  Don't flatter yourself...just sayin'.

 In high school, I told everyone that I was bi-sexual during my senior year while my boyfriend was away at college.  I think I did it because I wanted the attention and I wanted some female companionship too.  It of course made me a social pariah.  I hated high school... When I got to college in the Fall of 2000, I was a very "green", wide eyed Freshman that wanted to experience everything college had to offer.  My mother did a very good job raising me and she held the reins tight so, I didn't do much partying in high school.  I tried to pretend as though I was seasoned and worldly but, alas, I was not.

My beau and I ended up attending the same college, I knew he just "wasn't that in to me" so I began "wookin' pa nub" (looking for love...c'mon don't you know a good little rascals reference when you see one?).  Ellah (let's just call her that) lived across the hall from me in the dorm.  She was one half swexy, b-ballin', super fly cat and one half ultra feminine, fashionista, girly girl.  She was so damn cool man.  She had to grow up much faster than I and I was impressed by that.  It seemed like she knew everything!  She had game! 

Though our relationship was ill fated.  I loved her deeply with everything that I had.  It was the first time in my life that I felt like that.  I wasn't innocent but, I was just figuring out what love was. I was willing to be and do whatever she wanted just to be with her.  That's not true love...that's something else.

THEN, I met my husband and found out what TRUE LOVE was.  He knows everything about me and loves me anyway.  I don't have to fake, front or pretend to earn his affection.  He celebrates my good qualities and my flaws.  He still tells me I'm beautiful even after watching Picard come out of my coo-coo! That's love.

I'm still attracted to women.  It's not a burden or a struggle.  It's me.  So, when I hear this hate speech about gay people, I'm hurt.  Life is too complicated to be throwing labels and judgements on people.  Live and let live.  Marry and let marry.

Let that hate shit go.