Black Girl Arsenal

The other day I began to think of how much we as Black women spend on toiletries and products to keep ourselves "together".  There are some things that I have purchased ever since I can remember!  Why is this list exclusive to Black Girls?  Well, these products are designed to preserve our skin, get rid of our blemishes, condition our hair, accessorize our hair and so much more.  As a culture, we stick with the products we love!  Take a look at my lists and see if you live and die by these products as well.  These lists could go on forever but, in the interest of maximizing my time and yours I've cut it down to the must haves (or use to be must haves).

1.  Queen Helene's Cocoa Butter (LOTION Category).  Liiiike, I kind of feel like you may not be a negro if you or your mama, auntie, cousin, friend didn't have this in the cabinet under the sink in the bathroom.

2.  My first lotion EVER was Jergens (LOTION Category):  My mama bought it, her mama bought it and so on.  This one my be a bit suspect EXCEPT..all my friends grew up on it too.  Coincidence?  I think NOT!  BGA (Black Girl Arsenal) approved!

3.  Vaseline(GREASE Category):  Okay, if you need me to elaborate upon this one...go take a nap.

4. Baby Oil Gel (GREASE Category):  This one is a new one but, it still banishes ashyness to the place where ash goes to die...moisterville.

5.  Lip Smackers Lip Balm (Lippie Category):  If you and your friends didn't make it a point to collect all the flavors, I'm inclined to believe that you don't know how to jump rope or do "Tweet-a-leet-a-leet (Twinka baby, twinka baby, ya breath stink baby)".

6.  Carmex (Lippie Category):  The lip balm of the GODS! #PraiseMoses

7. Dove (Soap Category):  How many good scrubbings with that Dove did you get?  Me?  Oh...I'd say about 1,000,000.

8.  Ivory (Soap Category):  Girl if you don't go in there and lather up real good with that Ivory!!! I swear fo' God!

9. Noxzema (Face Wash Category): I feel like this is the BGA gateway face wash.  #LeCray

1.  Childhood Hair Accessories:  Beads, Barrettes, Bomb-Bombs and mini black rubber bands (will make her dance).  P.S. STOP putting all those damn beads and barrettes in these children's heads! Babies can't even hold their little heads up because they're so heavy covered in all those damned barrettes! 

2.  Hair Grease:  Castor Oil, Blue Magic, Sulfur 8, Jam and Black Pro-Style gel.  I know the gel isn't grease but, Baaaay-Baaaay I lived and died for that gel from about 1995 - 1997.  The Castor Oil, Blue Magic and Sulfur 8 all smell HORRIBLE to me! Ugh! The worst!  That Jam was a grease/gel hybrid.  Talk about a slick ass ponytail with a swoop bang in the front! WHAT!

3.  Hair Must-haves:  Satin Bonnet, Rake, Rat Tail Comb, Bandanna.  If your mama, granny, cousins or aunties didn't have a bandanna or a silk bonnet or some bonnet like "head rag" then, you my dear may not be as Black as you thought...don't make that face!  That rat tail comb used to save my LIFE when I had micros and box braids back in the day!  My mama would use it to get those expert parts too!  Ms. Willie Mae...making straight parts since 1982! LOL!  Finally the rake!  Baaaaay-Baaaay!  That's how Oprah used to have the LAST weather girl hair baby!  She has since donated her rake to the FOTUS' mama, the First Granny.

4.  Hair Stuff in a Bottle:  Pink Oil Moisturizer, Mane and Tail Shampoo, Hot 6 oil and Pump It Up Hair Spray.  If you didn't part your hair, and apply that good ole Pink Oil Moisturizer then, you my dear have never known the joy of a scalp and hair that is so shiny that Jesus and all the apostles could see themselves in your head as they look down from heaven above.  I remember when Mane and Tail became popular.  I don't know if it actually made your hair thicker but, it felt like it!  That stuff made more bubbles than Michael Jackson in a bubble bath...good rest his bubble bath taking soul.  Hot 6 oil can be used for hot oil treatments, grease for your legs and feet, cuticle oil, suntan oil, oil lamp oil, car wax, holy oil for church services and french fry grease!  Last but not least there is Pump It Up...this hairspray is so strong that you can spray your ass, lean up against a wall and be stuck there for 24 - 48 hours. But, chiiiiiiile, it used to give me the first and the last freeze curls made with my trusted Gold N Hot curling irons!

1.  Gold Hoops:  EVERY Black girl has owned some version of the gold hoop.  Don't let me go to the beauty supply and get a fresh set of hoops.  Paint them suckas with some clear nail polish and rock 'em until the gold comes off! 

2.  Diamonesque Studs:  I had those T-Boz side burns with some Diamoniuqe studs in my ear with my Nike shirt tucked into my tennis skirt with some Reebok Classics on and some footie ball socks...couldn't tell me NOTHIN'!

3.  Bangles Bitch!: Need I say more?

4.  Footie Ball Socks:  You were really the bomb if you had coordinating balls with your outfits!  Book and Shaka Locka!

So...what did I leave off?

WCW - You Don't Give a Damn About Black History Month

Let me tell you about something that tap dances on my last coo-coo hair every year.  All these Black History Month commercials created by these companies that don't give a damn about Blackness any other time of year.  Please!  Spare me your soul-less rhetoric about Madame CJ Walker and Rosa Parks.  Your commercials and marketing campaigns centered around Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" speech and Jessie Owens' Olympic prowess only serve to earn my ire.  In my opinion, these adds are for nothing more than bringing more customers to your doors. Chiefly, I'm most disgusted and dismayed by McDonald's. What I am supposed to say?  Thank you McDonald's for supporting Tom Joyner's Black History moment every day?  Eff your freedom fries and your Black History Burger.   Let me tell you why...

In the disenfranchised, predominantly minority communities inhabited by those that are of low socio-economic status, franchises like McDonald's fill our bags with fries and our veins with cholesterol and plaque.  Sure we go to these establishments of our own free will but, often times that's because a cheese burger and fries is cheaper than a grilled chicken breast and a salad.  McDonald's employs our community members and pays them next to nothing and I don't see McDonald's lifting up these communities.  Yes, #PraiseMoses and #PraiseVishnu for the Ronald McDonald House Charities.  HOWEVER, keep your homage to George Washington Carver and Booker T. Washington.  I am not swayed by watching footage of the March to Selma in slow motion while the Mississippi Mass Choir sings softly in the background.

Do you know what a food desert is?  A food desert is a district with little or no access to large grocery stores that offer fresh and affordable foods needed to maintain a healthy diet. Instead of such stores,these districts often contain many fast food restaurants and convenience stores.

Is this all McDonald's fault?  Hell no.  BUT...is McDonald's in the community 365...making it a better place like their marketers would have you believe?  Absolutely the hell not!  I wish we as a people would get over our addiction to foods and behaviors that are hazardous to our health.  While I'm waiting for us to overcome...I'm good on the Ba, da, ba, ba, ba...I'm Loving It Black History tributes.

You freaking jerkfaces!  Can I have fries with that shit?

I'm Rochelle and I have Gum Disease

Today I'm pouring tea Periodontal Disease.  This tea smells bad, tastes bad, hurts your gums and teeth and can lead to other health problems as well.

THREE out of FOUR Americans struggle with gum disease and NEVER go to the Dentist to improve their dental health.  Gum disease can range from mild cases of gingivitis, to the more severe form known as periodontists.  If you don't go to the dentist and check on the health of your teeth and gums, it can prove detrimental to your over-all health!  Gum disease has been linked to diabetes, heart disease and certain forms of cancer!

I hate the dentist like credit card bills, racists and child pornographers.  Because of my fear and years of neglect, I have periodontal disease.  It's not fun to go to the dentist and find out you have "pockets" in your gums where plaque and bacteria have built up because you didn't floss properly (or at all) and keep up with your visits.  The treatment to remove build-up and treat the inflammation of my gums, is not only painful, but, expensive as well.  Not to mention that I have some bone loss and some of my teeth have shifted and I have gaps that will cost me more money to repair.

Pay attention to your teeth and gums!

Bleeding gums - Not normal.  Make an appointment right away.  Your gums should not bleed from normal brushing or eating an apple.

Bad Breath or Halitosis - Your breath shouldn't be bad.  If it is, it could be because of bacteria and plaque build up.  You need to go to the dentist and check that out.

To lessen your chances of getting periodontal disease  you need to:

1.  Brush your teeth after every meal.

2.  Floss DAILY.

3.  Go to the Dentist regularly.

Now, there are also other factors that contribute to periodontal disease.  Stress, heredity and poor diet are all contributing factors as well.

So, make an appointment to see your dentist today.  Time for a GRILL CHECK Biotch!

Me at the dentist with the attitude face.

Wild Card Wednesday - Oh You're Too Good?

Today's Topic:  Sorority Snobs

Okay.  Let me preface this by saying I have nothing against sororities!  I think they're great!  Great for our culture, great for our communities and great for sisterhood.  I'm actually a member of a Business and Professional Sorority (let me be real...I'm NOT financial).  I would even like to join a D9 (Divine Nine) sorority at some point.

BUT...here's the thing...

There are some ladies that make it appear as though being in their sorority somehow makes them a demigod.  Yes, your organization is great.  Yes, you all do great things BUT...that's not all there is to you!  Don't you enjoy television, movies, books, clothes, cooking, sight seeing, traveling, church...SOMETHING!  I don't want to have a conversation with you if your sorority is going to end up in 98% of our conversations!

What bothers me the most is the attitude that some ladies have.  Don't give me the librarian looking down her nose through her glasses stare because I'm not in your org!  This is not sophomore year and we are not on the yard waiting on a probate show to start! 

Where is all this coming from?  Well, today, I was in the elevator with a lady that asked me if I was a Delta.  I politely said no.  She told me that I looked like one of her sorors from yester-year (I'm paraphrasing). And again, I politely smiled.  She said oh, I know!  You're a Zeta huh?  I knew I recognized you from the this or that thing (again I'm paraphrasing).  I sucked my teeth and replied "wrong again".  She said well, I KNOW you're not an AKA!  You're not that type and SGRhos don't really exist! Bitch really?  Did you just effectively stereotype me while dissing another organization all before breakfast?  Get your damn crimson and cream life!  Luckily, my floor came up and I exited without a word. 

She was a classic example of doing too much on the sorority tip!  This lady was doing the MOST! 

All I'm saying is be in your sorority but, don't take it so seriously!  The outside world isn't as impressed with it as you are.  Love your org without beating folks over the head with it!

Damn!

Tea Garden - I met Dr. Martin L. King at Church

This post is obviously not about modern day celebrities that grace the cover of popular magazines.  It's not about fashion forward glamazons or musical artists and their antics.  Today I'm pouring tea on the first time I came to realize who Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was. 

My mother always sent me to my granny in the Summer.  As a young girl I looked forward to the drive to Brighton a small suburb of Birmingham, AL.  I would watch the skies for signs of animal shaped clouds and birds flying in flocks to some Utopian destination I had created in my mind.  I would day dream listening the R&B music that filled the air in our car as we sped down I-20 towards my granny's big welcoming arms.  That journey always soothed me, made me feel like I was on my way to forever. 

 

Vacation Bible School and Sunday School were not optional during my sweet Summer sabbaticals.  I didn't mind at all.  I loved catching up with my Alabama peers and bragging to them about how living in Atlanta was nothing like the slow paced way of life in little old Brighton.  During one visit to Sunday school, I happened to notice a photo of MLK hanging next to a photo of Jesus.  He had on a blue suit, a white shirt and a black tie.  His right arm was raised and his mouth was open.  Beneath his torso "I Have A Dream" was written in block letters.  I clearly read "I Have" but, had to sound out "D-R-E-A-M".  I had to ask who was that?  Why was he next to Jesus?  Was he in the Bible?  Did he have a dream about Jesus?

My granny explained to me that Black people weren't always viewed as equals in our country.  She said that Martin Luther King helped people to understand that we are all the same and should be able to enjoy the same things in life.  We should be able to share schools, bathrooms, offices, buses and anything else we wanted.  She said skin color isn't important but, what we do and what we stand for...is.  She made it so easy to understand.  She reminded me of the waiting rooms in her doctor's office.  It was the late eighties and we would still sit on the "Colored" side in that waiting room.  His name was Dr. Brooks.  Damn Dr. Brooks and his racist, conformist ass for that.  I never asked her why we sat there.  I wish I had.

Years later, that conversation was the foundation for what would be many coloring sheet forays, politically correct lectures in class, "I Have a Dream" writing exercises, Black History Month programs and countless discussions with my mama about a myriad of topics Civil rights related.  To this day, I think of that poster taped to the wood paneled wall in Sunday school.  Beckoning to me, to understand that the dream was something that was for me and every other person in that room.  The dream was radical and revolutionary but, it was righteous. 

I met MLK at church.  The same place that I met Jesus, Moses and the first Preacher I'd ever known.  It was poignant and powerful.  That church family revered Jesus and MLK so much that they placed them side by side.  Deities in their own right.

Now that I'm an adult, and no longer a Christian, I truly understand why that poster was next to Jesus. Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a God like figure - a savior that sacrificed his safety, personal peace and his earthly body for the idea that all people deserved to be free from all injustice.   Jesus, (whom many believe) was a savior, a champion of morality, justice and equality was an almighty God that sacrificed his earthly body to salvage the corrupt and wretched souls of man.  How could they not share the same space on that wall?

Common Courtesy - Keep the Door Open

Topic for January 18, 2013: Keep The Door Open

The Logic:  When you're entering a business, a home, an airport, a hospital or any other place with door, it's Common Courtesy to hold the door open for the person behind you.  It only takes a fraction of a second to hold the door open and it is almost always appreciated by the recipient.  Think of it as an extension to the "Good Manners Talk" you received in Kindergarten and First Grade.  Say please and thank you, cover your mouth when you sneeze, say excuse me when applicable, say Bless You when someone else sneezes, etc.  Included in the fine print of that talk was "Open the door for the those coming behind you".  Theoretically, you could take this metaphorically and apply it to other areas in life but, for now, we'll stick with the literal.

The Rant: Who are you assholes that walk through doors KNOWING that someone is behind you and just let the door swing, slam or glide in their faces?  What are you doing that is so pressing that you can't stop for a brief moment to hold the door open for a fellow human?!  Oh, and don't get me started on the ladies that think doors are supposed to be opened for them but, they can't return the favor! #GetChoRudeAssLife

The Real:  You never know who you are helping when you take a quick moment to open a door and smile.  It only takes a moment of your time and it saves someone else a little trouble.  You could potentially meet your future spouse, your new employee or a dear friend.  Kindness and courtesy go a long way.  It's free to be courteous and considerate.  Live your life always knowing that what you put out into the universe comes back, whatever you sow so shall you reap and what goes around, comes around.  So, open the door out of kindness and open the door to a little piece of happy in your future.

Wild Card Wednesday - As Long as He's Got a Penis...

Wild Card Wednesday is my time for an "anything goes" type of post.  I may create a post about marriage, motherhood, fashion, health or anything else.  This week's post is dedicated to a bit of wisdom my mother shared with me.

I make it a point to not involve either set of in-laws in our marital affairs.  However, at times, I'll ask my mom for advice on different things about marriage.  Recently, I've been under the weather and I've been feeling less of a super mom and wife.  I actually took my cape off and I expected my husband to pick it up and do things as I would do them.  Of course that didn't happen.  I realize that was an unrealistic expectation.  When I told my mom that, she broke it all the way down!

She said:

As long as he has a penis, you're going to have to communicate what you need.  Don't ever expect him to automatically know what you want him to do.  Even if it's clearly apparent, don't expect that it's clearly apparent to him.  

She's right.  Even though I would like for him to just KNOW when to step in and help...that's not reality.  So, I gave that up and now I'm feeling better.  If there are dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in the hamper or they eat frozen food for a few days...the world is not going to end.

But...as long as he has a penis though?  I love my mama!