Lunch Tables...

Cool table.  Nerd table. Goth kids' table. Weirdo table.  Remember those from high school?  I certainly do.  I remember the first time I shuffled through the lunch line in high school.  I also remember watching my fellow students clamor to their "assigned tables" while I stood there, styrofoam lunch tray in hand trying to figure out where I belonged.  It seemed like kids were saying "Ya can't sit here" like that kid on the bus in Forrest Gump.  Eventually, I think some of my friends and I claimed some lunch room territory thus, easing my anxiety about where I fit in.  However, I never felt "in".  Why am I rehashing my lack of lunch room esteem from freshman year of high school?  Very simple answer.  The "assigned" tables never really go away.

No matter what realm you're in - work, school, online, church, etc.  Those divisions always exist.  Those cliques and groups still have the power to make you feel left out and lonely.  But, the one thing that you have now, that you may not have had back in your freshman year of high school is experience.  You know that the cool kids are one bad hair cut, one failed relationship, one embarrassing body function away from not being cool anymore.  You know that the nerds are passionate about learning and that, that isn't a bad thing.  You also know that you can float between groups and never have to fit into a particular lunch group again!  You DO know all those things right?

When I read posts about the cliques in blog land or the elitist party goers and givers, I think folks are only upset because they don't feel "in".  I've been there...that's really envy talking.  Folks are envious of the lifestyle/experience that the people are having at their lunch table.  My response to those feelings is really simple:  join the table.  Join the table!  Don't wait for an invitation.  You don't have to be OF the group to ENJOY the group.  

It's much easier to complain about being left out, than to break the ice and join in.  Hell, you may even realize, that you want to start your own table...imagine the possibilities!

    

That REAL Body Con...

Ever look at someone and say that they should or shouldn't be wearing something based on how comfortable or uncomfortable they made you feel?  I have done that way more times than I'd care to admit.  She is too big for that dress!  Those shorts make her legs look chunky!  I can see her panties through her tights!  SHE IS TOO BIG FOR A CROP TOP!!!

Yeah, I'm the thick/curvy/plus-size chick that wore a crop top with NO Shame and NO Regrets.  It took me finding out that my mom has breast cancer and respecting her decision to treat it holistically to realize that life is not for waiting.  Life is for doing. The fact that my mother is standing firm in her beliefs is frightening to me but, she is so confidently and gracefully living. It's beautiful and scary all at the same time.

So, I've started the process of living just the way I want to and shedding those shame and fear layers.  I like the girl that I'm discovering!  She's brave and bold and apologetically HERSELF!

Okay, so, this is my favorite pose.  I feel sexy and womanly and golden here.  Thanks to my hubby for the photos.

Here is a little tidbit for you.  I don't actually wear glasses but, I love the way I look in them.  So, I always have some faux glasses on hand!

That black and white necklace says "Give Life".  This necklace means so much to me now.  Give life in smiles, Give life through self-confidence, Give life through being you!

There are few sights that stir my soul like the wisteria covered trees in the Spring time.

I've been Wonder Woman for like...EVER! LOL!  Didn't you know?

Dogwood trees are some of the most beautiful to me.  There is a quiet beauty about them....

Now that I've worn my stomach out, I don't know what my next foray into forbidden fashion choices will be, but, I'm know I'm not afraid.

Haters. Haters! Haters?

Do you have haters?  Really?  See, I don't believe I do.  Not in the secretly plotting my demise, perpetual shade casting, seething with disdain, banana in my tailpipe way.  It's totally feasible that I've offended someone with my off-color jokes or that I've shocked someone by saying that I don't believe in God or that I've ruffled some feathers by being a bi-sexual married lady.  Even with all that...I just don't believe that there is this battalion of haters out there thirsting for my blood.  Sure, there may be folks that don't like me.  Sure, they may gossip about me.  But, hell, honestly, there are folks that I don't like and folks I gossip about.  I don't HATE them though!

Here is what I think.  I think folks have embraced this "hater mentality" and taken it too far!  If these haters exist, why glorify them with memes and social media posts?  Don't give them any of your precious energy.  If you choose to believe you have this gang of haters, then, also believe that your happiness, success and peace of mind will upset them so much that they'll have to go and find someone else who is actually affected by their hating schemes.

I am not insinuating that haters don't exist.  I'm just saying they're not as plentiful as popular culture would have you believe.  Furthermore, someone that doesn't agree with you, doesn't like you, doesn't march to the beat of your drum...doesn't HATE you...they just don't agree with or like you.  AND THAT'S OKAY!  It's not cause for songs and memes.

I definitely don't have a PhD...Playa Hatin' Degree.

Hiatus and Catharsis...

Dear You,

During my hiatus from this space several life altering events have occurred.  I'm sure in the weeks and months ahead, I'll share those and many more experiences with you.  After all, being a blogger and sharing your life experiences with the world is nothing less than cathartic. My goal is that my catharsis becomes a source of comfort and confidence for you.

You know what is important to me?  You.  No, I'm serious.  There are so many nouns (people, places, things) in the world that take from, hurt, abuse, enslave and scare us.  Especially those of us with vaginas.  We typically don't take good care of each other as we should.  That's unfortunate.

So, with deliberate and focused energy, I am saying that I am endeavoring to pour into you all that the world has purposely or passively taken from you.  Well, all that I have to give that is.

This space is still going to be a miscellaneous, hodge podge of all that I feel good about sharing.  However, the overall goal is to uplift and inspire...me and you.

You're fucking amazing,
Rochelle

Gotta Press PAUSE...

I am in the THICK of finishing my degree.  I have tried many times to maintain this blog while going to school, being a mom and doing everything else and I CANNOT.  Instead of being inconsistent and not creating the content that I want to, I'm just going to but this blog on hiatus until I'm done.  So, I'll see you all again in MARCH!  I don't know why it took all this time to realize that this is what I needed to do.  Let me not lie...I was ignoring my intuition and my inner voice!

What makes us feel like we need to do everything?  You could say it's drive, ambition, determination or any one of those things I suppose.  For me, it has been a combination of keeping up with this person that I thought I should be AND chasing my dreams.

HOWEVER, what I have come to realize is, I cannot chase my dreams and strive towards my goals if I don't first get myself in order and accomplish the goal I set long ago which was to FINISH MY DEGREE!  Even though teaching in the traditional sense is no longer one of my dreams, it used to be.  I owe it to Rochelle of the past...and of the future to FOLLOW-THROUGH!

So, even though I'm not fully present in this virtual space, know that I am working my way back here.  I will be whole because I am investing in myself and I will have my cart leisurely strolling behind my horse.

Thank you for showing me love when I have posted here.  Thank you for engaging.  Please stop by my FB Fan Page and hit like.  I do love to share on there everyday as it is waaaay easier than planning and executing a blog post.

Is there something in YOUR life that you need to press pause on so that you can prepare for your next steps?  Tell me about it!

DIY on a Dime: Painted Mason Jars

I spend many hours pouring over magazines, blog posts and Pinterest soaking in all of the beauty.  Usually, after I'm done, I realize that I can't afford to do half of the things I see in all those places.  I mean, even the DIY/Hack versions are sometimes too pricey for me to tackle.  That's where saving and creativity come in.  I saw these painted Ball Mason Jars on Etsy going for a pretty penny.  I'm not hating on the ladies that make them but, let's just say I gave their prices the old "child please" face when I saw them!  I decided that I could make my own!  Why not right?  

So, here is my DIY recipe for "Painted Mason Jars".

Supplies:

Mason Jar - Any size that you'd prefer

Acrylic craft paint - I used some that I had laying around my studio

Sponge brush - This is optional.  It helps with spreading the paint around

Step one: Assemble your jars and clean them with mild soap and water. Make sure they're dry completely before beginning.

Step two:  Squirt a "generous" (clearly that's a relative term) amount of paint into your jar. Aim for the bottom and the sides.

Step three: Swirl your jar around and let the paint run around in there.  This is where that sponge brush would come in handy.  ESPECIALLY if you're like me and need instant gratification with craft projects.  That brush gets you there quicker. 

Here are some tips that I've learned on this project:

1.  If you use a sponge brush to coat the insides of the jar, you may need to use several layers of paint to get the coverage you want.  The brush kinda thins the paint and leaves stroke marks.

2.  Residual paint will rest in the bottom of the jar and be cracked and ugly.  So, turn the jar upside down on some wax paper to dry.  Then, peel the paper away after the coast is clear.

This project is CRAFTY LEVEL: 1 Beginner/Novice

That means anyone can do this!  I used them as part of my holiday mantle decor and now they're on the mantle next to the coffee filter trees I made.  Cuteness.

Thanks for stopping by and checking this tut out!  

Let me leave you with this:

Never be too broke to try and figure out a work-around.  You never know what you can come up with to improve your life or the lives of those around you.  Don't let money curb your imagination and creativity.  We all have it!  Let your creativity and ingenuity solve problems for you and make you glow!

Mothering: Inside Voice

My son is four.  That means many things.  It means he and I struggle with his quest for autonomy.  It means that he is more verbally expressive.  It means that he is doing more independent thinking.  It means that he is becoming more manipulative.  It means that he is becoming an expert boundary pusher.  I find myself grappling with my parenting choices and refining my parenting style as we go.  That's the norm, I know.  However, when your child is having a melt-down because chicken, peas and rice wasn't his ideal meal...logic tends to be replaced with emotion.  For me, that emotion creates more harm in the situation than good.  I am also, with the aid of my husband of course, creating a parenting style that is completely different than what he or I experienced growing up.  So, we're sailing this ship with no compass...except our inner compass (that has to always be re-calibrated).

I talked about "purposeful parenting" in this post.  We really try to parent him with consideration and empathy, patience and creativity.  I am on a journey with my son and my husband that is beautiful and daunting at the same time.

There is a new tool in my parenting arsenal..."Inside Voice".  I know you've heard teachers tell students to use their inside voice - you may have uttered the phrase to your kids.  Well, I'm not using it in it's traditional sense.  I am using MY inside voice.  I find myself yelling at him and becoming extremely animated when correcting his behavior.  It's lunacy really.  It's as though I expect him to have the couth and maturity of an adult.  When he doesn't display the desired behavior, I buck my eyes, clinch my jaw and raise my voice.  I am displaying the very behavior that I am asking him not to.  I remember HATING that as a child.  There were always two standards - one for my mother, and one for me.  So, we spoke and made the decision to not yell at the boy.  Instead, we use our inside voice, look him in the eye and say what we need to say.  It is amazing how quickly these situations are diffused now.  I'm so grateful.  Now, I can THINK before I react to him.  It gives me time to understand his actions.

You know what else I do?  I apologize to him.  Sometimes I'm wrong.  I think that he isn't doing something I ask of him and I send him to the "Quiet Corner" when really he did do what I asked.  When that happens, I hug him and tell him that I apologize.  I want him to know that mommies make mistakes just like you.  I want him to know that he is worthy of my respect and I am worthy of his too.

I will continue to share my parenting revelations with you.  I would really appreciate if you would share yours with me as well.

I would like to leave you with this thought...
Women are powerful.  We are the mothers and the care takers of the Earth.  However, we are often unaware of our power and thus, many of us are rendered impotent.  Let's make an effort to share what we know with one another so that we may help our sisters shine, grow and glow. I will continue to share my knowledge and experiences with you.  Please share with someone else so that we may be strong and powerful together.