Mothering Week - Day Two...There has GOT to be an Easier Way...

Good morning Rose Heads!  Welcome to Day Two of Mothering Week here at What Rose Redd Said.  The purpose of MOTHERING WEEK is to provide a little insight, guidance and perspective on what it's like to be a modern mother of the 21 century.

After Picard was about three months old I began to fall into a routine.  The routine went something like...put Picard down at 10pm, wake up to nurse him at 1am, 3am and again at 5am.  Get him dressed and ready to go to the baby sitter.  Get myself dressed.  Drive to work, work, drive to the sitter (which was 35 miles away from my house), drive home, cook, try to clean, nurse and bathe Picard...and repeat.  I. was. miserable.  Who can keep up with that kind of pace!?!  I would often times get angry with Terence, my husband because he wasn't lightening my load.  BUT...I didn't give him any specific direction as to what I needed from him.  I didn't reach out to my mom, his mom or anyone else...except to complain.  I had a horrible case of Postpartum depression and I was generally doing waaaaay too much!

Eventually (about a year and a half later), I started thinking...There has GOT to be an EASIER Way...

Slowly but, surely I started tweaking how I did things around the house, how I took care of Picard and how I dealt with my husband.

Turns out...THERE IS AN EASIER WAY...

1.  YOU define your standard of cleanliness.  If you're busting your behind to keep your home spic and span all the time, take a time-out to evaluate the level of cleanliness that is tolerable and create a schedule to maintain that.  For instance:  During the week - I make sure to cook and clean the kitchen.  I don't allow any toys to be left about and I make sure Picard's bathroom stays tidy because it doubles as the guest bath.  I also make sure Picard's room is clean because he's only three and he needs his space to always be functional.  I let our master go as well as the master bath.  I deep clean (mop, dust, wash, fold, disinfect) on Saturday mornings.

2.  Learn how to make meals S-T-R-E-T-C-H!  You can not possibly work full-time and cook every single day.  If you do, you'll look like you have a farm and fifteen kids!  Take some time on Sunday for weekly meal planning.  I like to make two "left over" meals a week.  That way, I only cook five days instead of all seven.

3.  TELL YOU HUSBAND/SPOUSE WHAT YOU NEED HELP WITH!  Lay it out there in plain sight!  Start a system and give them some chores/tasks to do.  Remind them of the system and let them know without them...the balance of the house will fail.

5.  Buy multi-purpose clothes.  If you can't afford a huge dry-cleaning bill, buy pieces that serve multiple purposes that you can wash yourself so that you can wipe runny noses AND look sharp while doing it.  Don't make it hard on yourself by wearing fabrics that you can't afford to ruin, replace or dry-clean.

6.  It's okay to turn on Dora, Diego, Yo Gabba Gabba or whatever else for an hour while you're cooking, cleaning or working.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  One hour isn't going to kill your kid or lessen their IQ.

7.  Have late night, date night.  You don't always have to leave home to have a date.  When the kid(s) are asleep, sip some wine together, cook something yummy, watch a movie or play a video game.  Remember, it's about spending time together...not spending money.

8.  TAKE A DAY OFF!  You will never stop being a mother and hopefully, you'll never stop being a wife/spouse.  BUT...you can stop being a chef, maid, seamstress, gardener, tutor and doctor for a few hours.  Do it EVERY WEEK!  NO EXCUSES!

*Now remember, this list is a list of things that helped me to transition into a more efficient way of mothering.  This is not a complete annotated list of all the tips, pointers and advice about being a mommy!  If you have any questions or want to add some things...leave them in the comments below!

COME BACK TOMORROW FOR DAY THREE OF MOTHERING WEEK!  The topic is "What Kind of MAMA are YOU?"

ALSO...SEND ALL THE NEW MOMMIES OVER TOMORROW!  I HAVE AN AWESOME GIVEAWAY FOR THEM! 

Mothering Week...Day One...No One Told me THAT...

Hello Rose Heads!  Welcome to DAY ONE of MOTHERING WEEK here at What Rose Redd Said.  The purpose of MOTHERING WEEK is to provide a little insight, guidance and perspective on what it's like to be a modern mother of the 21 century.

When I became pregnant I had so many ideas racing through my mind.  Picard wasn't planned and I was very unsure about a lot of things.  The first thing I was concerned about was the relationship I had with Terence, my husband.  We had not been married a full three years when we discovered Picard was on the way.  I wondered if we would still have time for each other.  I wondered if he would still find me sexually attractive and I wondered if we would fall out of love.  Those may seem like very selfish thoughts but, since I was so used to he and I ...that was all I knew, I was scared of loosing our bond.  Next, I began to think about all the things that being a mother entails - unconditional loving, cleaning, cooking, washing, bathing, teaching, feeding and so much more!  I began to reminisce about my childhood and how my mother raised me.  I had made up in my mind that I would never be as good of a mother as she and the doubts and fears piled up on me like so many concrete blocks.  

What was my answer to all of these open ended questions?  Books.  Movies. Web Sites and lots of questions asked of the veteran moms I knew.  You know what I eventually realized about mid-2nd trimester?  No one knew what the hell the "magic formula" was.  There are endless sources of information about pregnancy and how to parent.  Most have at the very least some good tidbits of information.  But, at the end of the day, I wanted practical, no holes bared, raw truth about what was going to happen to my baby, my body and my marriage.

Given my experience (of three years), here is my list of No one told me THAT(s)...

PREGNANCY:

1.  Maternity clothes are EXPENSIVE!  If you can be comfortable sizing up in conventional clothes, do that for as long as you can before investing so much in maternity clothes.

2.  Not everyone has strange cravings, not everyone's nose spreads, not everyone's neck gets dark, not everyone gets stretch marks, not everyone has morning sickness.  Don't heed the horror stories.  Live your pregnancy in positivity...not fear. You're not going to turn into a grotesque pregnant monster!

3.  Nothing gets rid of or prevents stretch marks except for genetics.  So save the olive oil, cocoa butter, Shea butter, Crisco or Mother's Friend money.  If you had the stretchies before being preggo, you're probably going to acquire more.  Embrace it and move on.  They will lighten up.

4.  Child birth is painful but, you can do it. 

5.  Those classes work!  Take parenting, birthing, infant CPR and more!  Learn, learn, learn!  Don't listen to those people that say learn as you go!  There is NOTHING wrong with educating yourself.

POSTPARTUM:

1.  Try to latch your baby as soon as they are born if you're going to breastfeed (which I truly hope your are!).  Babies need Boobies! 

2.  Baby Blues and PostPartum depression are real.  They can happen to you.  Educate yourself and understand what could happen before it does happen.  That way, you'll know what it is and know how to get help.  This is not something that only certain women get.  It's universal!

3.  There are going to be different smells, different feelings and different appearances to your lady parts.  The doctor will of course advise you of all that but, I just want you to be prepared.  No one told me that stuff was for real.

4.  Enjoy the help that they give you at the hospital but, it's best to keep baby by your side so you all can start a routine.  Once you leave that hospital, things are going to get EXTRA real!

5.  Everyone will want to visit you and your new addition.  They're going to be very helpful for a while and then, they will go home and life will pick-up where it left off.  So, when people ask you what you need...TELL THEM!  You need to take all the help you can get!  DON'T BE MODEST!

6.  Swaddling is super important.  Learn how to swaddle your baby.  It keeps their body temp. stable and it reminds them of the womb. 

RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR MATE:

1.  You need to LET YOUR MATE HELP!  Just because he doesn't do feeding time or bath time like you would doesn't mean he's going to break the baby!  Don't shut him out or push him away.  You will not only alienate him from you...but, your child as well.

2.  When you can make love, make love.  Remember, you have to be a multi-tasker now.  You have to still show your mate that he is important to you.  Maintaining that intimacy even though you feel frumpy, milky, tired and disheveled will help you remember your sexy fine-ness and help him to feel like you need him.

3.  When you need a break...take one.  Don't bargain with hubby or take on more than you can.  If you do that...you'll have a NUCLEAR melt-down.  Let him have some alone time with the baby/kids so that you can spend some time doing something FOR YOU!

4.  Continue to communicate your needs, desires, joys, failures, successes and aspirations.  This is your life mate.  Your kids will grow up and lead their own lives.  Remember to spend a little time each day appreciating your mate.

*Now remember, this list is a list of things no one really told me.  This is not a complete annotated list of all the tips, pointers and advice about having a baby!  If you have any questions or want to add some things...leave them in the comments below!

Come Back Tomorrow for DAY TWO of Mothering week.  The topic for tomorrow is..."There Has GOT to be an EASIER way..."

Mothering Week on WRRS!

Hi there Rose Heads!  I want to let you all know that starting tomorrow, I'm kicking off MOTHERING WEEK here at WRSS!  I'm going to be doing a week of posts about how to navigate the waters of motherhood in the 21st century.

I'm going to cover topics such as:  "Nobody told me that...", "ME time is THE time" and "What Kind of Mama are You?"...and more of course!  Stop by tomorrow morning at 9am for the first post!  I'm going to have a special give away for the new mommies too!

Why Being GREEK was Sooo Important to me!

When I was a little girl and my mom and her friends or our family members would have a talk about Greek organizations (meaning NPHC Greeks), they always mentioned Alpha Kappa Alpha and Delta Sigma Theta.  They would talk about the normal stereotypes like AKA's are all pretty and sophisticated and DST's are all more outgoing and bold. We all know that there are no stereotypes but, I just wanted to touch on the fact that they exist. It wasn't until I got ready to go to college that I even realized Zeta Phi Beta and Sigma Gamma Rho even existed!  I mean, I don't think I even saw any ZPB or SGRho paraphernalia on people or their cars and if I did...I didn't know what it was.

My grandmother belonged to several civic and cultural organizations and she would take me with her to their meetings and events whenever I visited her in Birmingham, AL.  I loved it!  Those ladies were classy, sassy, involved, creative and polished.  They learned new things together.  They served their communities and they had an air of class and sophistication about them that made me want to "be just like them" when I grew up.

When I got to college, I was enamored by the line jackets, the popularity and the allure of being a member of the Black Greek community.  I was largely ignorant of the process so, I attended a SGRho mixer and even performed in a DST Talent Show (had no clue it was really for interested ladies...lol).  In the meanwhile, I became active on campus with the NAACP and set my sights on uplifting my people!  In my mind, I was channeling my inner Granny.  I had researched ZPB and had set my sights on them.  I attended a "Kitty Cat Chat" and fell in love with the unique bond the ladies had.  I was determined to be included.  Determined to be a part.

Well...we all know what they say about the best laid plans!  I was invited to pledge...didn't have the money.  Ended up getting into a big fight with some of the ladies over a whole bunch of random stuff and that was that...

In 2008 I was looking for a group to be involved with.  I couldn't become a Zeta because I hadn't earned my Bachelor's Degree yet.  Even though I was going to school on-line, turns out you can't go through the intake process unless you're at a brick and mortar University.  While searching online, I found Gamma Phi Delta.  GPD is a business and professional sorority started by two sisters that wanted to give women that were business professionals, had associates degrees, etc. to have a chance to be part of a Greek Lettered organization.  I was impressed by that.  I joined GPD and I felt empowered, I felt a part of something and I felt proud.  I was an undergrad advisor but, I wasn't a good one because I was too harsh...too emotionally involved and too much of a stickler for the rules.  I fell out with most of the ladies in my chapter for an assortment of reasons and I became inactive.  I even tried to start my own chapter because I didn't like the way the established one was being run.  Let me say though...I gained some VALUABLE friendships out of that experience.

But now, years later...I thought about WHY being Greek, more specifically a NPHC Greek was so important to me.

I think Greek life symbolized acceptance and being included no matter what.  I loved the pageantry, the history and the prowess that came along with those letters.  I thought it would validate me and in some ways legitimize me to peers. 

I respect those organizations. I love what they stand for and I appreciate where they're trying to go.

 If I'm going to wear some letters again, it's going to be because I'm strong enough to represent what the founders intended and I'm ready to WORK; not because I'm so weak that the letters make me into something and someone that I don't like when I look in the mirror.

Cabinet Soup...Not soup from the can!

What's going on lovely Rose Heads!  Now that it's getting a little chilly, I found myself in need of some comfort...comfort food that is!  Everyone knows there is nothing quite as soothing as a hearty soup!  Now, I don't eat meat so, if you're looking for a chicken, beef, oink-oink soup...not gonna find it here! LOL!  BUT...I did make an awesome veggie soup from ingredients that I had just laying around the kitchen.

Ingredients List:
3 medium sized potatoes (I left the skin on two of them)
1 bag of frozen corn
1 bag of frozen green beans
1 can of chick peas (garbanzo beans)
1 can of black beans
1 can of butter beans
1 can of diced tomatoes

Seasonings:
Maggi Chicken Bouillon (Instant)
Curry Powder
Basil
Garlic Powder
Wiley's Bean and Pea Seasoning

Okay now, y'all don't hold me to any measurements!  I don't measure anything.  I'm going to use language like:  a dash, a pinch, a lot, a little, about a (insert word here) and kinda.  I'm sorry y'all.  I'm not a recipe cook.  I cook from the heart and that's about it.

Okay so, I used my double boiler (without the double) and filled it a quarter of the way full of water.

Next I added the seasoning to make a broth. Because remember, I wasn't going to the store.  This soup was made solely out of things I had already.  I added about an actual tea spoon worth of  Maggi Chicken Bouillon.  I added about four dashes of garlic powder.  Four dashes of Curry powder and two dashes of Basil.

As you can see below, that created a nice broth.  You have to adjust seasonings according to personal taste.  I cooked that on medium heat for about 5 minutes. 




 

Next, I washed and cut three medium sized potatoes.  I left the skin on two because I love the taste. I don't think it's a deal breaker if you skin them all.

Next, I added the potatoes, green beans and corn into the broth.  I left them to cook for about 15 minutes.

After I let the potatoes, green beans and corn cook, I added the tomatoes (don't drain them), the black beans (don't drain them), the garbanzo and butter beans (DRAIN them)! 

  

This is how it should all look when you're done with that step.

Your final step would be to add in a packet of Wiley's Beans & Peas Seasoning!  My mother in love turned me on to this stuff and it is GOOD IN MY SOUL!  Woah lord!

Alright Rose Heads!  Take this Hodge podge of a recipe and do your thing!

Fall 'Fit...Men's Wear...Don't Care!

Hey Rose Heads!  Let me tell you something...all I need is a piece of some chilly weather to come around and I'm putting on the tights, jackets and scarves!  I hate to be cold!  It's not fun!  So, when I woke up yesterday and there was a cold snap in the air, I knew it was time to layer up!

I bought this tweed blazer with the suede lapel and elbow patches in July at a Value Village near my house.  It was $3.50!  I didn't care that it was a man's blazer because I knew that men's wear was trending and even if it wasn't...the blazer is off the chain cool!

I bought this dress from Target on clearance about four years ago!

The belt is from New York and Company...it was a red line for $5.00.  Can't beat that deal with eleven sticks!

Those blue earrings give me life enough to kill me and then, bring me back again!

I bought these shoes from Target for $29.00 and they are so comfy and on trend!  I love them! 

'Fit Facts:

Tweed and suede Blazer - Thrifted

Tribal print Dress - Target (old)

Cobalt Blue, Platform Shoes - Target

Tights - Target (last season)

Earrings - Thrifted

Belt - New York and Company

Are You READY for the Truth?

Are you ready for the truth?  Are you ready to tell your girlfriend that she is a little too flirty or tell your mother that she's smothering you? Truth...it's THAT very thing that keeps us away from a lot of what we say we want out of relationships with our significant others...and our friends.

Telling the "honest to goodness" truth is one of THE hardest things to do.  Now, some of you are sitting in front of your screen, reading this and saying to yourself that you're always honest.  You never lie outright nor by omission.  I would like to remind you of your mortality and ask you to be honest with yourself before you continue reading this post...or it will just be a waste of your time.

Let me elaborate.  I'm not suggesting that you become reckless and tactless with the truth.  I'm merely suggesting that you be as honest with those around you as you possibly can be...even to the point of discomfort.  When you're THAT honest, you'll discover one of two things.  Either the person/people accept, appreciate and love you for who and what you are or...they don't. 

It's cliche but, the truth does free you.  How many of you have a man that has never seen you without make-up, weave, nails, etc?  How many of you talk about your friends behind their backs because you don't want to offend them by telling them the truth to their faces?  Booo on that!  Booo!  At the end of the day, you're just hiding.  Come out into the light and enjoy life with your truth flag flying high.

Do I lie?  Hell yeah, I lie.  But, I realize that a lot of my mistakes and set backs have come from not saying how I felt, not being honest with myself  or those that I love.

Here are some of my tough truths that I had to come to grips with:

1.  I am a plus size woman.  I wish I wasn't.  But, the truth is I'm lazy and I procrastinate when it comes to exercise.

2.  I have hair on my chin.  Other people can see it.  It's embarrassing.  Truth is: it comes from PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome)...a weight related female issue with the ovaries and all that jazz.  Yes, I know about laser hair removal...not the point here.

3.  I have always wondered why my husband, who in my opinion is very handsome, would select me.  I always felt like he could pull a chick that was doing it way more than me.  As a result, I'm insecure when we're in public because I'm assuming that other people are thinking the same thing.  Truth is, I never got over being the dark skinned girl who watched her light skinned peers be fawned over by all the boys.

4.  I'm scared that people are going to think that I'm not smart so, I try to learn as much as I can so that I'm never caught looking like the dumb chick.  Truth is:  I want to be viewed as an intelligent woman and not being viewed that way scares me.

5.  I'm not a Christian.  It is awkward and uncomfortable to have to justify to people why I'm not one and why I'm not raising my son to be one.  I think that he should grow up and figure out his faith.  If I tell him what to believe in, that in my opinion is not true faith.  Truth is:  being raised as a Christian and living in the Bible Belt put a bad taste in my mouth for religion.  Not to mention the religious studies course I took in undergrad...my eyes are open to a lot.

6.  I'm an Admin not because that's all I'm capable of doing but, because I had a plan to complete my Education degree and teach - and this job was low key enough for me to do that and work full time. Now that I'm not going to teach...I feel like people look down on me for what I do.  Truth is:  I have another plan.  But, I must admit my corporate safety net feels great.

I hope my honesty can help you find and accept your own truths.