Mothering Week...Day One...No One Told me THAT...

Hello Rose Heads!  Welcome to DAY ONE of MOTHERING WEEK here at What Rose Redd Said.  The purpose of MOTHERING WEEK is to provide a little insight, guidance and perspective on what it's like to be a modern mother of the 21 century.

When I became pregnant I had so many ideas racing through my mind.  Picard wasn't planned and I was very unsure about a lot of things.  The first thing I was concerned about was the relationship I had with Terence, my husband.  We had not been married a full three years when we discovered Picard was on the way.  I wondered if we would still have time for each other.  I wondered if he would still find me sexually attractive and I wondered if we would fall out of love.  Those may seem like very selfish thoughts but, since I was so used to he and I ...that was all I knew, I was scared of loosing our bond.  Next, I began to think about all the things that being a mother entails - unconditional loving, cleaning, cooking, washing, bathing, teaching, feeding and so much more!  I began to reminisce about my childhood and how my mother raised me.  I had made up in my mind that I would never be as good of a mother as she and the doubts and fears piled up on me like so many concrete blocks.  

What was my answer to all of these open ended questions?  Books.  Movies. Web Sites and lots of questions asked of the veteran moms I knew.  You know what I eventually realized about mid-2nd trimester?  No one knew what the hell the "magic formula" was.  There are endless sources of information about pregnancy and how to parent.  Most have at the very least some good tidbits of information.  But, at the end of the day, I wanted practical, no holes bared, raw truth about what was going to happen to my baby, my body and my marriage.

Given my experience (of three years), here is my list of No one told me THAT(s)...

PREGNANCY:

1.  Maternity clothes are EXPENSIVE!  If you can be comfortable sizing up in conventional clothes, do that for as long as you can before investing so much in maternity clothes.

2.  Not everyone has strange cravings, not everyone's nose spreads, not everyone's neck gets dark, not everyone gets stretch marks, not everyone has morning sickness.  Don't heed the horror stories.  Live your pregnancy in positivity...not fear. You're not going to turn into a grotesque pregnant monster!

3.  Nothing gets rid of or prevents stretch marks except for genetics.  So save the olive oil, cocoa butter, Shea butter, Crisco or Mother's Friend money.  If you had the stretchies before being preggo, you're probably going to acquire more.  Embrace it and move on.  They will lighten up.

4.  Child birth is painful but, you can do it. 

5.  Those classes work!  Take parenting, birthing, infant CPR and more!  Learn, learn, learn!  Don't listen to those people that say learn as you go!  There is NOTHING wrong with educating yourself.

POSTPARTUM:

1.  Try to latch your baby as soon as they are born if you're going to breastfeed (which I truly hope your are!).  Babies need Boobies! 

2.  Baby Blues and PostPartum depression are real.  They can happen to you.  Educate yourself and understand what could happen before it does happen.  That way, you'll know what it is and know how to get help.  This is not something that only certain women get.  It's universal!

3.  There are going to be different smells, different feelings and different appearances to your lady parts.  The doctor will of course advise you of all that but, I just want you to be prepared.  No one told me that stuff was for real.

4.  Enjoy the help that they give you at the hospital but, it's best to keep baby by your side so you all can start a routine.  Once you leave that hospital, things are going to get EXTRA real!

5.  Everyone will want to visit you and your new addition.  They're going to be very helpful for a while and then, they will go home and life will pick-up where it left off.  So, when people ask you what you need...TELL THEM!  You need to take all the help you can get!  DON'T BE MODEST!

6.  Swaddling is super important.  Learn how to swaddle your baby.  It keeps their body temp. stable and it reminds them of the womb. 

RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR MATE:

1.  You need to LET YOUR MATE HELP!  Just because he doesn't do feeding time or bath time like you would doesn't mean he's going to break the baby!  Don't shut him out or push him away.  You will not only alienate him from you...but, your child as well.

2.  When you can make love, make love.  Remember, you have to be a multi-tasker now.  You have to still show your mate that he is important to you.  Maintaining that intimacy even though you feel frumpy, milky, tired and disheveled will help you remember your sexy fine-ness and help him to feel like you need him.

3.  When you need a break...take one.  Don't bargain with hubby or take on more than you can.  If you do that...you'll have a NUCLEAR melt-down.  Let him have some alone time with the baby/kids so that you can spend some time doing something FOR YOU!

4.  Continue to communicate your needs, desires, joys, failures, successes and aspirations.  This is your life mate.  Your kids will grow up and lead their own lives.  Remember to spend a little time each day appreciating your mate.

*Now remember, this list is a list of things no one really told me.  This is not a complete annotated list of all the tips, pointers and advice about having a baby!  If you have any questions or want to add some things...leave them in the comments below!

Come Back Tomorrow for DAY TWO of Mothering week.  The topic for tomorrow is..."There Has GOT to be an EASIER way..."